• The dark side of rugby
Hadengate bears uncomfortable similarities to a famous case involving sport and racial stereotyping in the United States.
In 2003, broadcaster Rush Limbaugh - an odious toad whose politics are somewhere right of Sarah Palin's - made a nasty comment about an American football player, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb.
Limbaugh's theory was that McNabb was only getting so much attention and praise because he was black, and all the damn liberals wanted to see a black man succeed in a position that had been the preserve of whites.
The message from the conservative shock jock was essentially that a black athlete couldn't possibly have the combination of intelligence, vision and nervelessness required to play such a crucial position.
(Limbaugh once told a black caller to "take that bone out of your nose and call me back", but that's another story.)
In a similar vein, Andy Haden's "darkies" comment says more about his and other rugby people's ingrained attitudes towards race than it does about the Crusaders' reliance on players of the Anglo-Saxon variety.
You could sense a sort of glee in Haden's eyes and voice when he made the comment, as if to say "Hey, the Crusaders have got it right".
Those who have rushed to support Haden, or to excuse the "darkies" label or to shift focus on to the selection policies of the Evil Empire, have done little for the image of the sport.
And all the earnest discussion about the "browning" of rugby? Who cares? Can someone please explain why this is such a problem?Haden has great form as a stirrer.
He staged the most notorious piece of on-field All Black fakery, he was the leading campaigner to abandon amateurism, and he masterminded the rebel Cavaliers tour in 1986.
But there is stirring, and then there is promulgating offensive and inaccurate racial myths. Haden didn't need to take the second path.
• Ko Robbie ahau
Speaking of racial stereotyping, please take the following 97 words in the spirit in which they have been written:
It's what's inside that counts, and as long as Robbie Robinson qualifies for the New Zealand Maori team (ask Shane Howarth and Nathan Fien about the embarrassment of getting family links wrong) he should be congratulated for being selected.
But there is no doubt Robinson and Wellington hooker Dane Coles have joined a special band of rugby players.
I call them the Tony Brown All-Stars: New Zealand Maori rugby players who you would never had guessed qualified.
Recent inductees have included Aled de Malmanche, Angus Macdonald, Thomas and Scott Waldrom and the ginger giant himself, Paul Tito.
• The rich get richer
Fair: The Crusaders are innovative and successful and are within their rights to pursue any player they want.
Unfair: The Crusaders are already the strongest New Zealand franchise and now they want to poach two of the Highlanders' three current All Blacks.
Fair: Israel Dagg wants to win and be with his mates.
Unfair: The Highlanders gave Dagg an opportunity to shine and he looks like bolting without barely saying "Thanks".
Fair: Ellis, Carter, Guildford, Crotty, Fruean, Maitland, Dagg.
Unfair: Cowan, Robinson, Vainikolo, Shoemark, Lynn, Paterson, Smith.
Fair: The NZRU can't penalise its one franchise that looks capable of winning the Super 15.
Unfair: The NZRU owns the five franchises and has an implicit duty to ensure they all thrive.
• The new Small Black
From cancer survivor to All Black - Aaron Cruden's fledgling career is already a great story.
But I'm shocked Cruden has made the All Blacks so soon. Apart from being a skittery playmaker and a hopeless goalkicker, he's about as big as one of my thighs.
Recent All Black No 10s have included Dan Carter (91kg), Stephen Donald (99kg), Mike Delany (88kg), Nick Evans (84kg) and Luke McAlister (95kg), and Cruden is barely 79kg.
The thought of Pierre Spies or Rocky Elsom running at Cruden in the Tri Nations sends shivers down the spine.
As referenced in Paul Dwyer's weekly club rugby column, this is the shark that has been mounted on the wall at Kettle Park.
The Dunedin rugby club's version of Jaws was created by John Thomas, the father-in-law of a club stalwart.
• No, no, no, no, NO
Once, there were just the All Blacks.
Then there were the Silver Ferns and the Kiwis and the All Whites.
Now there are the Tall Blacks, the Black Caps, the Ice Blacks, the Wheel Blacks, the Black Sticks (two of those), the Black Jacks, the Black Singlets, the (ahem) Black Cocks, the Black Sox and the White Sox.
We also have the Tall Ferns, the White Ferns, the Black Ferns, the Kiwi Ferns, the Ice Ferns and the Football Ferns.
And now New Zealand Swimming has followed in a long and extremely undistinguished line by choosing a trite, unimaginative, unrequired nickname for its national team.
Can you guess it? Of course you can.
The Aqua Blacks.
(Gritting my teeth, counting to 10 and moving on.)
• Upsetting the odds
I enjoyed the All Whites' 1-0 win against Serbia as much as anyone, but there is no need to get hyperbolic about the result.
A rival newspaper labelled it the biggest upset in the history of New Zealand sport.
Hmmm. Apart from the fact it was in a non-competitive game, the nature of football is that anyone really can beat anyone else because goals are so rare.
Besides, a relatively recent New Zealand team holds the greatest upset honours. The Tall Blacks finished fourth at the 2002 world championships, beating Russia and China along the way, AND beat Serbia (which had won the world title as Yugoslavia) at the 2004 Olympic Games.
• Perkins chasing another ring
I've written about this before but avid Boston Celtics (and, regrettably, Manchester City) fan Alistair Banks wants to repeat it in a desperate attempt to recruit more hoops fans to the Green Nation.
Watch a bloke called Kendrick Perkins in action for the Celtics in the NBA finals against the Lakers over the next few days.
Perkins is the son of Kenny Perkins, one of the great characters of New Zealand basketball, who played for the Otago Nuggets AND the North Otago Penguins AND the Southland Sharks during his long career.
