The Last Word is not much of a ''muso''. Which is to say, he is about as equipped to discuss musical issues as he is to analyse the markets, fix anything electrical and understand the enduring appeal of the common ice block.
But what he CAN do is take a musician as a starting point for an essentially trivial, perfect-for-a-lazy-Saturday sporting contemplation.
Is our Grammy-winning superstar, Lorde, now the biggest New Zealand figure on the global stage, in terms of profile/status/fame?And if she is - or Sir Peter Jackson maybe? - who is the biggest star in the world of sport?
Take achievement out of it. Focus on global reach and the old ''how many people would recognise this figure walking down the street'' idea.
. . . and sporting gods
It is tempting to go with Richie McCaw, I suppose. He is probably the most important rugby player in the world, he captains the best team, and he can fly planes, helicopters AND gliders. (Quick, mention he was born in Oamaru.)
But Richie plays rugby, which simply doesn't rate in many of the globe's biggest markets. If he rocked up to Shanghai, St Petersburg or Mexico City, the only looks he would get would say, ''Wow, you have really interesting hair.''
Valerie Adams? Track and field is massive, but women's shot put will never be the 100m.
Scott Dixon? Motorsport is pretty big, but Indy Car is not Formula 1.
Lydia Ko? Give her time.
David Tua? His time has passed.
Dean Barker? Sonny Bill Williams? Benji Marshall?
I think the shortlist boils down to Brendon McCullum, Winston Reid and Steven Adams.
McCullum has a good chunk of the world's population - a billion or so Indians - who know all about him, but he also has large areas of the world where he would be anonymous.
Reid is an interesting case. He is a regular starter in the English Premier League, an incredibly popular competition around the world. He's no Ronaldo or Messi, but football is the biggest sport.
And Adams? Well, this is a kid going places. The NBA is an extremely big deal in all corners of the planet. Give him a couple of seasons and, if he continues to improve, the Adams boy will be our highest-profile sportsman.
Action men
I knew last week's column did not have enough questions.
No 64 should have been: Is Hamish Bennett's bowling action among the top 10 worst bowling actions in cricket history?Firstly, let me say how great it is to see Bennett back in the Black Caps. He has battled back from injury, and he has bowled reasonably well against the Indians.
But that action - ye gods. It makes him look like the mutant offspring of Lance Cairns and Mushtaq Ahmed.
I'd be interested in your thoughts on who makes the Awful Bowling Action Hall Of Fame after first-ballot inductees Lasith ''Slinger'' Malinga and Paul ''Frog In A Blender'' Adams.
Bravo Broom
Speaking of cricketers, a bouquet this week to Neil Broom, something of an under-the-radar star now in the Otago team.
We hear so much about the less attractive side of elite cricket - the sledging, the intimidation, the morally suspect tactics, the pathetic behaviour of some fast bowlers who should really keep their mouths shut.
Sometimes, it is nice to hear a story like the one passed on to The Last Word by a reader this week.
A promising young legspinner called Xavier Chisholm was loitering around the players' enclosure at the University Oval, and was called into the changing rooms by Broom.
Xavier got introduced to all his heroes and got his bat signed, and was ''on cloud nine'' for the rest of the day.
Family connections
Hopefully you enjoyed our feature recently on some of the great sporting families in Otago.
But my apologies to the Hore family for getting one of the links wrong.
The top hockey player in their clan was not Sue Hore, mother of long-serving All Black hooker Andrew and former Highlanders first five Charlie, but Isobel Thomson, the lads' aunt.
Thomson represented New Zealand at the 1984 Olympics.
Harsh but true
There was a line going around following Stanislas Wawrinka's victory at the Australian Open that illustrated, quite beautifully, the (relative) fall of fellow Swiss Roger Federer.
He went into the tournament as arguably the greatest player of all time.
He ended it as not even the best player in Switzerland.
Hmm, interesting
Respected commentator Jonathan Agnew made an intriguing point on Twitter regarding the brouhaha over the Big Three attempting to hijack international cricket.
As recently as 2000, Aggers pointed out, India was a lowly eighth in the test rankings - and England was ninth.
''Big'' isn't always best.
Maheno making hay
My Valley allegiances are well known but I must give the Maheno club, based just south of Oamaru, a plug this week.
Like all country rugby clubs, Maheno is propped up by a bunch of good buggers determined to survive in difficult times for small sports clubs.
They are working hard to attract players and sponsors, and now they have cooked up a pre-season sevens tournament they hope will grow into something special.
The inaugural Maheno sevens will be held on February 15. Ten clubs from around the province have entered.
James Symes, one of the organisers, promises a fun day out for players and fans, and hopes the tournament will grow into a bit of a festival.
Birthday of the week
Sir Stanley Matthews would have been 99 today.
Not much left to say about this prince of English football. Knighted while still playing, the first European footballer of the year, and played his last game in the top flight at the age of 50. FIFTY.
