CORIN DANN
The time is 7.36am on Wednesday, April 23, and you’re listening to Morning Report, New Zealand’s voice of the educated left on good incomes. I’m joined now by Acting Prime Minister Winston Peters. Good morning Mr Peters.
WINSTON PETERS
It was, until I saw you. I much prefer your brother.
CORIN DANN
Liam Dann, business reporter at the Herald?
WINSTON PETERS
Don’t give me that. I’m not going to play any of your games. I’m talking about Steely Dan.
CORIN DANN
I think you’ll find they were a popular American band from the 1970s.
WINSTON PETERS
Tell me something I don’t know. Now that was a decade. Men were men and women were damned good company on a cold night. Gay sex hadn’t been invented yet. I bet you wish it had.
CORIN DANN
I don’t know what that means.
WINSTON PETERS
Do your research. See, this is why trust in journalism is at an all time low. I’m giving you the courtesy of my time and you haven’t so much as asked if I’d like a cup of tea.
CORIN DANN
Or something stronger.
WINSTON PETERS
Or something stronger.
CORIN DANN
Mr Peters, can I ask you about New Zealand First’s proposed legislation to define "woman" and "man".
WINSTON PETERS
That depends on what you want to ask. And it depends on whether it’s a fair question or if it’s trapped within the paradigm of woke ideology. And it depends on how I’m feeling and right now I’m feeling fit to burst. I don’t like your type. Where’s your brother? Good tunes that you can dance to — now that’s the kind of radio we want. Not this nonsense. But very well, stop interjecting, and get on with it.
CORIN DANN
You mustn’t talk to me like that.
No, but I must.
CORIN DANN
Mr Peters, are you importing a culture war?
WINSTON PETERS
Not with the tariff situation being as it is, no, of course not. But let me tell you this. Politics has no place in the nation’s bedrooms. But bathrooms, now that’s different. Politics most certainly does have a place in the nation’s bathrooms. And that’s to keep men out of women’s bathrooms. It doesn’t matter if they’re wearing a skirt. They have no business in women’s bathrooms. None. They can do their business in the street for all I care. Like animals, but I don’t wish to cast aspersions. Just stay out of women’s bathrooms. It’s as simple as that.
CORIN DANN
How do you propose to keep them out?
WINSTON PETERS
Have you heard of bouncers?
CORIN DANN
You are going to employ bouncers outside public restrooms?
WINSTON PETERS
Why, are you looking for a job? Because you should. You carry on like this, and we’re going to turn the water off. No more tax dollars for RNZ. Maybe Jim Mora. Never had any trouble with Jim Mora. Pretty agreeable sort of guy. But not you. You’re a disgrace.
CORIN DANN
But —
WINSTON PETERS
You’re an absolute disgrace, and you’e doing all the talking.
CORIN DANN
No, you’re —
WINSTON PETERS
You don’t interview the Greens like this. You’re all very placid with the Greens. A placid lake, that’s you. But I come on, and you’re a storm-tossed sea. Your waves are breaking over the ship of my patience. Well, I’ve set anchor. I’ve set anchor, and none of your litle tantrums are going to make any difference. I’m held fast. I’m not budging. I will be here, always. Are you all right? You look seasick. Would you like a cup of tea?
CORIN DANN
Maybe something stronger.
WINSTON PETERS
I can help with that.
By Steve Braunias
