Alert readers will have noticed there has been a flurry of documents about Novopay released recently under the Official Information Act.
I am not sure where the following email correspondence came from, but sadly it's been overlooked by other media. Perhaps they were worried about its veracity.
I think you dear readers are mature enough to judge that for yourselves. Here goes (dates, times and email addresses have been removed).-
Hekia, is it true you described the non-payment of Ministry of Ed staff as karma, or is it something that goody-two-shoes Chris Hipkins made up? I am not sure he is old enough to have passed NCEA Level 2. Could you check that out? - PM
Yes John. Please feel free to call me Lady Gardiner. I have already checked it out. He was a head boy, which may be why he is so insufferable. I bet he spent his time telling off the third-formers when they didn't have their socks pulled up. - LG
Hekia, You mean Year 9s, not third-formers. For goodness sake, you are the Minister of Education.
You have not answered the karma question. Is this smooth communication? - PM
John, I thought someone was asking me about Novopay and the teachers. I said '' Yeah, calmer, eh.'' - LG
Hekia, I have now seen the footage. That doesn't make sense. You forgot to mention you laughed after you said that. Now, you know I enjoy a laugh as much as the next person, probably more than the next person if that person is David Shearer. I am known for being a fun guy, so I am not sure I need the competition of you cracking jokes, as well.
Have you forgotten the little chat we had before I told the world I had every confidence in you? - PM
I hear what you are saying PM. Do you mean one fungus is OK but there is no room for fungae? - LG
Hekia, I have no idea what you are talking about. If it is something to do with science then talk to Sir Peter Gluckman. - PM
I thought you liked me winding up everyone in education. All those people in the ministry and in the classroom are our enemies aren't they? I don't mean the kids of course ha, ha. - LG
Was that supposed to be a joke, Hekia? - PM
Sorry PM. - LG
Hekia, Now that Gerry and Steven are doing most of the work involved with running the country I have plenty of time to surf the internet (love that word surf, it reminds me of my holiday home in Hawaii). I have been looking at the Talent2 website. While the only reference I could find to Novopay was one media release from last November, it did have plenty of other information which I reckon could be useful to us. I am surprised you have not brought it to my attention earlier. - PM
Really? - LG
Yeah. Listen to this: ''Our people are what make us great. Talent2 is an organisation of high achievers that multiplies the power and productivity of people. We are committed to helping people and organisations be successful in achieving their goals and dreams.
We're about people who don't just go to work, but love their work. People who don't just do a job, but live their role as an expression of who they are. People who are not just productive, but who achieve outstanding results daily.
We are structured to give the best strategic counsel and deliver the best possible outcomes. We attract high performing people who are self-motivated. Our culture is dynamic and innovative. When it comes to end-to-end talent management, Talent2 is the standard.''
I reckon if we took out the words Talent2 and replaced them with the National Party caucus, that would be a perfect description which we could put on our National Party website.
Talent2 is too busy trying to sort out Novopay to worry about plagiarism. What do you think? - PM
I don't want to sound like a wet blanket John, but how does this statement from their website fit in with what has happened? ''Talent2's payroll solution is easy to implement, efficient and low cost to run, risk free, offers you the peace of mind of local support and a disaster recovery back up!''. - LG
Hekia, I think you may be missing the point. I'm not suggesting we adapt everything on their website, just the bits that sound good. - PM
Ah, now I get it. What about us adapting this from their November media statement: ''Talent2 will provide further updates through the release of statements when appropriate.''
We could use it to fob off demanding journalists on every contentious issue. The appropriate time would never come and they'd forget they were ever interested. Smooth eh? - LG
That's my gal. - PM
- Elspeth McLean is a Dunedin writer.
