Hey, isn’t there a song something like that?
I feel a TikTok performance coming on. Just kidding.
My two dear readers will know I have never been within cooee of immortalising my absence of talent on that platform.
My antipathy for social media means the world has been spared my Charleston party piece — a puffing, unco-ordinated elephant (one of my childhood names was Ellyphant, for good reason) lumbering about the lounge, waving her limbs around with a vague association with the beat of whatever music is playing.
Make a beeline for the ornaments before it is too late.
My singing has also remained off-line (and often off-key).
Accordingly, I selfishly couldn’t care less about whether TikTok stays or goes.
The Donald’s behaviour is like the coalition government’s. If the other lot did it or tried to do it, it must be wrong.
Think cycleways, hospital rebuilds, new ferries, the Māori Health Authority, world leading anti-smoking measures, oil and gas exploration bans ...
None of it seems to have made many of us happier. But lo, a New Year reshuffle of the Cabinet deck chairs will change all that.
Simeon will save the day in health, an issue which is looming large in the public mind. His very presence and more emphasis on the government’s narrow set of health targets is going to make it easier to get treatment everywhere, prompt all disgruntled health workers to break into a joyous TikTok song and dance routine, solve all the short-staffing and funding issues in primary care and elsewhere, and give us state-of-the-art new hospitals throughout the country to boot.
Yeah, right.
I am already hearing fears Milo for hospital staff may be under threat again. Stockpile it now, people.
Simeon The Deliverer was so good at delivering outcomes in the transport portfolio, he still hasn’t made a decision about bilingual traffic signs, as far as I can tell. That’s despite talking a lot of nonsense about them on the campaign trail and telling RNZ last February a decision could be expected soon.
It makes me want to break out into a hymn parody Guide Me O Thou Great Deliverer. Oh well, that is Chris Bishop’s problem now.
Singing may be required to get through the next few months, I reckon, TikTok or no TikTok.
Once I have learned the words, there will be no stopping me.
Also, I have subjected my grandchildren to the delightful ear worm of Laura Marling’s No One’s Gonna Love You Like I Can.
Our challenge has been to see if we can hold the long notes as long as Laura and nail the key change in one of the lines (that sounds as if I know what I am talking about — I don’t).
Further apologies to those on Allans Beach on Thursday when, while my 10-year-old granddaughter and I may have got close to the long notes, we were missing the key change by a mile.
As well as the singing, I am delving into children’s literature.
I may have told you before of the Old School Mate from Feilding’s thoughts on the comfort and value of reading good writing for children at those times when life becomes a bit too heavy.
I am bingeing on the simply stunning writing of Katherine Rundell who has been acclaimed for her children’s fiction and adult non-fiction.
Among her work is an essay entitled "Why You Should Read Children’s Books Even Though You Are So Old and Wise" (available at the Dunedin Public Library should you need convincing).
As she points out, there can be times in adult life when the world seems blank and flat and without truth.
"Children’s books say: the world is huge. They say hope counts for something. They say: bravery will matter, wit will matter, empathy will matter, love will matter. These things may or may not be true. I do not know. I hope they are. I think it is urgently necessary to hear them and to speak to them."
It may come as no surprise the fabulous Ms Rundell is no fan of The Donald.
• Elspeth McLean is a Dunedin writer.
