WARNING: This article discusses sexual abuse, family violence and suicide and may be distressing
Four siblings who were beaten, sexually abused and drugged at the hands of their parents stood united in court in what a judge has described as “one of the saddest cases I’ve had to deal with”.
The siblings were commended for their bravery as they stood together, arms around each other, fighting through tears as they faced their parents and spoke of the harrowing abuse they endured for years.
The parents, who are in their 40s and who both have permanent name suppression, appeared at the Christchurch District Court for offending that Judge Michael Crosbie has described as “vile”.
The eldest sibling said in an emotional victim impact statement her stepfather “stole my innocence and took my childhood from me” and she had to care for her siblings when she was seven.
“What happened at home stayed at home ... I hated the way he looked at me and watched my every move.”
She said her stepfather told her she was never going to be independent and live an adult life if she didn’t do adult things with him.
When she was a teenager, she was pressured to work to take care of her parents’ debt, and they set up bank cards under her name and blamed her for their financial hardship.
She lives most days on the “brink of suicide” and said her stepfather made her feel “worthless”.
When she could no longer endure the controlling nature and manipulation of her stepfather, she left home, but feared for the safety of her siblings.
It was that fear that motivated her to go to police in 2017, when charges were first laid.
She has suffered sleepless nights and anxiety from not only the offending, but the “harrowing” six years it has taken for the case to get to a sentencing date.
The next sibling told his stepfather the abuse had caused him to have uncontrollable mood swings and fits of anger, resulting in him becoming someone he isn’t proud of.
“There are some days that I don’t want to be here ... You have done this to me. You were meant to be my protector. I never felt safe around you.”
He felt as though he had “failed big time” at protecting his sisters from his stepfather and suffered from flashbacks of being abused by him.
He told his stepfather he never wants a relationship with him and worried about how he would react if he saw the man in public.
“I hate what you did to our family. You may have broken us, but together we are rebuilding our lives.”
Another sibling said her father taught her abuse was normal and she tried to overdose multiple times as a result of his offending.
Her son was almost taken from her, and she finds it difficult to trust men as she is scared they will hurt her son in the same way she was hurt.
She said her parents took her away from her eldest sibling, who was the only true parental figure to her.
The woman turned to her mother, who was in the dock alongside her father, and said: “You have failed us as a mother.”
“I always felt that you never fought hard enough for us as a mother ... You were my mum, and yet you allowed someone to hurt me and my siblings.”
She said while her mother allowed her father’s abuse to continue, she still wanted her son to have a relationship with his grandmother, but only when she was sober.
The last sibling said she suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder.
She said her father’s abusive actions impacted her relationship with her siblings and there was a long time when she wasn’t speaking to them.
Intergenerational trauma
The man faced three charges of sexual connection with a child, two of sexual violation, three of assault with intent to injure and one of injuring with intent to injure.
The woman faced one charge of ill-treatment of a child and attempting to pervert the course of justice.
The man’s lawyers, Miranda and Nick Rout, said the legacy the man inflicted upon the children was the same inflicted upon him when he was a child, as he was abused in state care in a case being considered by the Royal Commission of Inquiry.
The court heard the man had begun to face his own trauma, and his offending reflected the “intergenerational trauma” of the case.
The woman’s lawyer, Kiran Paima, said his client also suffered abuse growing up and had recognised her own failings in relation to the victims, which “weighs on her conscience on a daily basis”.
Crown prosecutor April Mills sought for the man be put on the child sex offender’s register and for a protection order to be granted for one of the victims against the man, both of which the judge granted.
Judge Crosbie said both defendants’ backgrounds made for “incredibly sad” and “harrowing” reading, but that did not excuse what they did to their children.
He said seeing all the siblings stand together, supporting each other was one of the most powerful things he’d witnessed in a courtroom and reflected strength, power and hope.
Judge Crosbie said every aspect of what occurred was the parents’ fault, not the children’s, yet they continued to blame themselves.
“They were entitled to look up to you both and be protected by you and trust you ... You have breached this trust as parents in the worst possible way.”
‘One of the saddest cases’
The court heard the man had 17 pages of previous convictions relating to assault and firearms offences.
Judge Crosbie accepted both defendants suffered abuse from young ages and this was normalised to them.
“This is one of the saddest cases I’ve had to deal with,” he said.
He accepted the man, who has been in custody since 2017, was remorseful and gave discounts for his background and guilty pleas.
While the judge noted this type of offending deserved a prison sentence, because the man had spent six years in custody already, Judge Crosbie sentenced him to two years of intensive supervision and five months of community detention as well as judicial monitoring.
The woman was sentenced to 15 months’ imprisonment as a suitable address for home detention was not available, but she was given leave to apply for this if she found a suitable address.
FAMILY VIOLENCE
How to get help: If you're in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don't stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• It's Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence
• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women.
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ANXIETY
Where to get help:
• LIFELINE AOTEAROA: 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)
• SUICIDE CRISIS HELPLINE: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633
• NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
• KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757 or TEXT 4202
• NATIONAL ANXIETY 24 HR HELPLINE: 0800 269 4389
SEXUAL HARM
Where to get help:
If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email support@safetotalk.nz
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
Alternatively contact your local police station - click here for a list.
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it's not your fault.
SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• What's Up: 0800 942 8787 (11am to11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• Helpline: 1737
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
By Emily Moorhouse
Open Justice multimedia journalist
