Conspiracy therapy: 'chemitrails'

PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES
PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES
The main ingredient of so-called "chemtrails" is dihydrogen monoxide (DHM), and we all know that anything with "monoxide" in it can kill, right?

Inhaling DHM can be fatal and it is the main component in weed sprays.

Drug addicts are known to infuse toxic substances in boiling DHM, especially after they get up in the morning.

Yes, DHM is water, what clouds are made of, and contrails are long, skinny clouds formed by the water deliberately released from jet exhaust, along with carbon dioxide, as fuel is burned.

On a cloudy day, less sunlight shines on us, making us cooler. On a cloudy night, less heat escapes to space, keeping us warmer.

In this way, contrails modify the weather.

We could combat the harm of aviation to a small extent by flying only at daytime.

CO2 inserted into the upper atmosphere is considered to cause more harm than CO2 emissions at ground level, through a phenomenon called radiative forcing.

A top-secret inter-government climate protection programme, Joint Effort To Stop Tourist Aviation, uses appalling airline service to deter people from flying.

 

Conspiracy: Aircraft condensation trails are deliberate releases of harmful chemicals.

Disputed event: Contrails were initially discovered during the first high-altitude flights in the 1920s, becoming of military interest during World War 2, as they indicated the presence of aircraft.

First allegations: The US Air Force published a report in 1996 mentioning contrails’ effect on modifying the weather; this sort of material is conspiracy gold.

And they would have got away with it too:  ...  if only they hadn’t mixed the chemicals with harmless water vapour to make them visible 

- Alternate facts brought to you by Peter Dowden