I’ve been her and had the existential hangxiety to show for it, as well as the drink-driving conviction. I’ve had black out nights where I’d keep talking and walking like a pull-string doll, horrible mornings trying to piece it back together. Thankfully, as you get older you stop the frenetic self-sabotage and needing alcohol as social armour.
I never really stopped drinking though. Until now, and it’s all because of hot flashes.
The menopause sucks. There should be a reward at the end of this marathon. You should get drenched in champagne but instead I’m drenched in sweat. Overnight I went from a normal weight to looking like my head was sticking out of a Fiat’s sunroof. I got depressed, paranoid, but the worst thing was always looking like you’ve just been caught shoplifting after an epic chase through Farmers. It doesn’t even stop when you go to bed to listen to murder podcasts (just so you know, women have a keen interest in podcasts about murderers because we have to be able to spot them on dating apps). You continuously wake in the night, a million degrees and itchy all over. It’s like being on a super budget holiday to Rarotonga.
Alcohol exacerbates hot flashes, as does coffee, but I’d be in a vegetive state if I gave up coffee.
I decided any lifestyle change that would make this stop would be worth it, so I’ve been AF (alcohol free) for a few weeks now. The first couple of days I had a stonking coffee withdrawal kind of headache, and weird flu-ish symptoms on the 4th and 5th day. I’ve been quite salty at work, and a tad dramatic, like a cricketer who’s fallen over.
As the weather turned winterish, I had cravings for a glass of pinot fireside every night at 6pm, but these didn’t last long. I also started to feel pretty great, lose a bit of weight and my skin started looking really good. I feel really clear, mentally. I feel peaceful, less anxious, more patient.
If you’re not drinking alcohol, what do you drink when its drink o’clock? You can’t just neck fizzy water all the time, it makes you burpy.
The Casanova (who doesn’t have the menopause but has to sleep next to it often enough to appreciate it’s uncool) has joined me on a great New Zealand Alcohol Free Tipples voyage of discovery. We’ve tried AF red wines (surly, uninspiring, like watery Ribena) rosés (cloying, notes of wee, pinkly despondent) before discovering a Behemoth AF Hazy and a Brothers no alcohol IPA that are just like the real thing.
There are also apps and social media groups to help you stay sober. There’s a whole world of people out there living alcohol free for lots of different reasons who are up for a chat and ready to answer questions like, ‘‘What’s with all the ice cream I’m suddenly eating?’’ The answer is that, despite not being a ‘dessert person,’ you’re actually addicted to the sugar in alcohol.
People are doing their not drinking alcohol in lots of different ways. You can decide to taper off and see how you feel, or quit entirely, with support. It’s not strange to now say you don’t drink; people are completely cool with it, unlike in the ’80s when they’d ask you what was wrong with you, you wowser.
I’m sleeping better, I have way more money in the bank, and I wake up with the birds on Sunday mornings. The only down side is that it is so so boring. I have stopped being hot, though.
My boss tells me that the next thing to happen on the plunge that is getting older as a woman is incontinence, that I’ll soon have to wear sneeze-proof knickers. I think she’s just trying to scare me.
