Known as "limerence" in the world of science, the honeymoon phase is the temporary euphoric period of a relationship where everything seems and feels perfect. It’s a time of novelty, uncertainty and sexual intensity. It’s like being struck by tender lightning.
In a neuropsychological way, our brains are getting a burst of hormones and chemicals. Scientists liken the extended butterflies period to being on cocaine. You have more motivation and energy; you’re more loquacious, interesting and funny; telling your best stories, trying new sports, putting effort into your appearance, having adventures. It’s drug-like because it’s a very real physical experience.
When’s the last time your partner abandoned their clothes/wet towel on the floor, left the kitchen cabinet wide open or brought a bag full of laundry when they came to stay? Have they started lying around on your couch, farting and watching hockey? Is there a bike inside the house? Sounds like the honeymoon period might be over.
You might begin to feel irritated by them or notice things about them you didn’t in the past. Did they always believe aliens built the pyramids (wasn’t that a joke, though?!)? Did they just say something complimentary about Trump? How come you didn’t notice these proclivities? Could your hearing have been muffled by all the forehead kissing and hair stroking? Does great sex make you deaf?
You begin to see their imperfections, hear them whinging on about stuff and, inevitably, conflict will start to creep in. You’ll realise (now that you’re not having incessant bouts of middle-of-the-night nookie that have the neighbours convinced those Halo Project traps aren’t working) they only sleep about four hours a night, rolling over to check their phone to see what ungodly time it is, filling the bedroom with a lurid glow which rouses you from a deep sleep and makes you feel violent.
But you’re not perfect either, Missy. By now you’ll have fluctuated back to your normal weight, they’ll have realised you snore like a low-flying plane and that you’re not an ethereal blonde goddess with a constantly sunny disposition whose love language is feeding her man, but a "do as I say not as I do" hypocritic and monosyllabic morning grump who hates cleaning the kitchen. Your roots are showing.
Fear not. Word is, a successful transition out of the honeymoon period can turn infatuation into lasting love and create a way forward where you appreciate them beyond surface levels and shallow things like a great bum, fantastic legs and nice shoulders. The end of the honeymoon phase isn’t a bad thing. You can’t live coked out of your heads forever — you’re not in Duran Duran.
How to navigate a way forward that doesn’t result in the Stepford Wives-level weirdness of a shared Facebook account? How do you find a happy medium between the high-level primping and maintenance of the courtship period and slipping into beast mode?
Don’t ask me, I’ve not had the best luck with relationships. In the past, the end of the honeymoon period has been when they first got arrested (in my company) or the first time they explained that women earn less because they keep choosing to have babies, or when one of their teeth fell out from meth use and they casually left it on the bathroom windowsill for me to find when I was scrubbing mine.
Despite this, I remain hopeful. Hope is the only reason any of us still believe in love and goodness and a brighter future — I might be sleep deprived, but I have it in buckets.
