![BAD BEHAVIOUR<br>A memoir of bullying and boarding school<br><b>Rebecca Starford</b><br><i>Allen & Unwin</i> BAD BEHAVIOUR<br>A memoir of bullying and boarding school<br><b>Rebecca Starford</b><br><i>Allen & Unwin</i>](https://www.odt.co.nz/sites/default/files/styles/odt_square_small/public/story/2016/04/bk_Bad_Behaviour.jpg?itok=Bupjcza7)
Rebecca Starford was clever, clever enough to earn a scholarship placing to an expensive and prestigious school in Melbourne.
In a point of difference from similar schools, its year 9 pupils, whether previously boarders or day pupils, were required to spend a year in the country sharing dormitory accommodation in ''houses'' with 15 others.
Aimed at encouraging resilience, ''self-reliance, independence, a love for the outdoors and extreme physical fitness'', this year was designed to mould 14-year-olds into cohesive, active, supportive units.
As a scholarship girl, Rebecca felt an outsider among others who came from moneyed families, large cattle stations, families whose parents were ''friends of the Queen''.
This, combined with being away from home for the first time, made her more vulnerable when courted by Portia, a charismatic and super-confident girl whose personality was strong enough to make those adopted into her friendship feel like the chosen ones.
Rebecca became one of Portia's targets.
At first she was targeted as an ally, a fellow naughty girl who would willingly go along with foolhardy, brattish, cruel behaviour: behaviour which made her uncomfortable but at the same time feel brave, strong and invincible.
In a previous friendship, where she'd gone along with petty cruelties, ''the memory of me - so acquiescent, so weak - is fresh like an open-cut wound'' and uncomfortable thoughts of her neediness, make her long to be like her friend Emma, ''untouched by what others think or say'' who is coolly dismissive of Portia's influence.
Instead, you read on and despise her inability to say no.
Reflecting back to school days, many will remember Portias.
Being selected to be part of their ''bad girl'' group was especially flattering to those doubting their own self-worth.
Being in their group also meant unquestioning loyalty or being dropped.
Being dropped without a clear recognition of the cause occasioned feelings of hurt and devastation, desperation to be back, puzzlement as to the reason for dismissal.
Although the book's major events take place at the school, there are flashes to the author's present life and the serious impact those school experiences had on her.
Knowing how hugely her adult life has been affected makes you curious to know what sort of women the lead bullies become.
There is only one glimpse: as an adult, Rebecca sees Portia on a street ''charging ahead with the familiar, arrogant swagger''.
This book breaks barriers.
It is based on real experiences and the writer is unafraid to reveal herself in a negative light.
To quote her directly: ''The only way I could write this memoir is to be as unflinchingly honest about myself as anyone else in the book''.
This was a courageous decision.
Many times you find yourself actively disliking her.
But you finish the book pleased that she has had the courage to write something that just might help others in her situation to cope.
• Patricia Thwaites is a retired Dunedin schoolteacher.