You cannot escape being transgender, Vee Pendergrast says.
She grew up in a "backwater suburb" of Perth in Western Australia.
"It was a pretty homophobic place, queer-phobic in general.
"I first started getting what I now know to be gender dysphoria more frequently when I was about 16, 17."
A transformative moment was taking part in a comedy quiz night at university.
"They wanted a drag queen, and I thought ‘well, I’ll go and be the drag queen’, because I had an urge to give that a go.
"I had one of the best nights of my life."
An interest in goth culture and heavy metal music provided a chance to grow long black hair and wear earrings.
"But I found more excuses to put on a frock.
"It was never about sexual behaviour.
"It was just about — this is the one time I actually felt alive."
Being transgender "doesn’t leave you, it doesn’t go away".
She tried to "outrun it", forming a long-term relationship and having a child.
"Which is something I always wanted — I wanted to have a child and I wanted to have a career doing something that felt fulfilling."
She felt if she came out as transgender, she would not get to do either of those things.
However, with the support of her partner she made the choice to transition socially and physically.
"I took steps to look after myself, my partner, my family.
"I did not rush into it.
"A lot of people think that you can flick a switch and everything becomes better, and it just doesn’t."
Being openly transgender meant a greater chance of being unemployed, homeless, or refused medical care, she said.
Moving to Dunedin this year was a positive step.
"Honestly, it’s been great since I got here."
She works in a senior role in the video game industry, which was "very queer friendly", she said.
Tomorrow is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, which shows support for victims of transphobic violence.
For people who were questioning or having difficulty with their own transgender challenges, there was hope and support, she said.
"You are not alone, you do have a future, there are people who will love and accept you, there are people who have your back."
