Wit's End

It’s a new age for gender classification

Dear God, the truths that spill from the cupboard.

Looking for some ethics in business

I fear renting from the chariotmongers. It seems that whenever I return a rental car, these sods have conjured up some new billing rort.

Failing entry to the 13.5% Club

I note a personal anniversary. It is 20 years since I found out where my computer keyboard's @ was hidden.

No trumping gobblefunk for frabjous chortling

I like to mess about with tasty lipsmacking words - with ones which look or sound like puddings.

Mussolini-like purge of nanny state needed

The Dansey’s Pass Coach Inn, scene of the Wit’s End revelation. Photo supplied.

Mussolini-like purge of nanny state needed

I sat, content, upon a heritage thunderbox in the elderly Dansey's Pass Coach Inn, when (as the bathroom philosopher does), I had a moment of startling clarity.

Crack squad of once-weres Dad’s Army does Dusky

Flightless crew (from left) Jen Foote, Maria Kuster and Sean Ellis. Photo by Paul Rea.

Crack squad of once-weres Dad’s Army does Dusky

Fiordland. I am at sea. (In fact, all at sea. A Ship's Cat is the more competent seaman.)

How to spend my Lotto millions?

A good chunk of my financial planning demands that one fine day my numbers come up, and, yeehaa, I win the lottery.

Shaggy frog story sure to have legs on Dad’s Army trip

I'm packing the sunscreen and seasick tablets for the Dad's Army fishing expedition.

Casting pearls before the public

Like a slow puncture, the holiday season is expiring.

All happy under tradition of a British flag

I planned to have the Kyle Lockwood flag fly jauntily from the Ford at Christmas. But the flag merchants have been caught with their trousers around their ankles.

So which sin is in your top 10?

Another year bubbles our lives down the gurgler, and we ain't dead yet.

You can't expect to win against the wind

We've all either played or booed at some bitter grudge match fought on a scabby country sports ground. That's part of Otago life.

Vaguely ridiculous to the fore in tour

When the Duchess and I togged up for a recent Hawaiian night, she found herself short of both muu-muu and ukulele. She made do with a luminous green wig, as any sane person would.

Pupils' education poorly served without the Bard

You know the theory that a billion monkeys put to work on a billion typewriters will eventually bang out the complete works of Shakespeare.

Wise words after that encounter group yoga session

Wise words after that encounter group yoga session

If you're a baby boomer, you've likely spent some grungier years sharing a flat where, next to the dying marijuana plant and the incense sticks, someone stuck up a poster of Desiderata.

A day with nothing to say is no excuse for the easily distracted

Somewhere, deep in my cranium, lurks the Officer in Charge of Writing.

Present flag speaks of another time, country

I feel quite ill when conscience demands I write a sentence of unqualified praise for our political masters.

Visa bungle passport to ridicule

I've become anal when planning travel. The years have taught me that before departure, I must cover my bum in all respects, and next insure it.

Name of bold renown

When I was 11, I wanted to ditch my dreary name John, and improve my life by taking the first name ''Biggles''.

McCullum proof the way you do it counts

Brendon McCullum hits a six during the second test against England at Headingley last month. ...

McCullum proof the way you do it counts

Since the days when our hair was still brown, signing up as a Black Caps supporter was akin to taking holy orders.

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Wit's End