I planned to have the Kyle Lockwood flag fly jauntily from the Ford at Christmas. But the flag merchants have been caught with their trousers around their ankles.
I'd chosen a ‘‘car flag'' version from a flag retailer's website, checked the ‘‘fast delivery'' box, and paid by card.
But two days later, the flagfolk cheerily emailed me saying ‘‘your order will be sent as soon as new stock is completed''.
This is business-speak for: ‘‘Join the queue, we're out of them.''
This disappointed. The Duchess is opposed to the Lockwood flag, and I'd looked forward to driving her, beflagged and lips pursed, to Carols by Candlelight.
To make proper sport of this, I'd also ordered a backup flag to fly more saucily from the ageing Jaguar - whenever its British workmanship is not being repaired. But now we must wait.
In this column, I have vigorously argued the new flag merits. So, to address allegations of bias, I've invited the well-known flag loyalist, Justice Cudlip Trout, to explain the argument's other side. (Justice Trout is renowned for his wine cellar, and the piercing clarity of his intellect).
His Honour writes:New Zealand is a sensible country and will reject the tiresome twaddle of those who forget the importance of the Union Jack. Come March 2016, this country will re-swear its fealty to Queen and Mother Country, by retaining our Jacked flag.
We should remember that New Zealand civilisation dawned with the British. And it's British we should stay.
The flag change process has been woeful. Only 10,000 designs were put forward. Many were drawn by people who are not licensed designers, let alone full members of the Royal Society.
So predictably, we now have that New Zealand cliche, the silver fern. The fern is emblazoned everywhere on things New Zealand. Travel overseas with a silver fern on your baggage, and you're in grave danger of being taken for a Kiwi rather than an Aussie.
The fern, being something designed by nature, has less desirable artistic lines than the man-made Union Jack.
Those who say the Jack is bombastic, and only well designed in the sense that crazy paving is, are mistaken. The Jack was created by a suitable mounting of the English St George flag on top of the flags of Scotland and Ireland - two countries it has ruled, severely where necessary.
During the colonial period, Britain put the Jack in the top left corner of each country it brought order and good manners to.
The historic Marcus King painting of the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, shows Governor Hobson and the quality seated at a top table covered by a Union Jack, while below them, at a smaller Jacked table, the Maori chiefs are signing up.
It seems clear the chaps in this queue can't believe their good luck. ‘‘Praise the Lord, we're about to be British,'' they murmur to each other.
A generation later, when malcontents decided their land was not best worked by English farmers, unity was restored by troops who fought under the Jack. This ought not be forgotten. A Jacked flag remains the appropriate emblem of how we achieved our cultural unity.
In earlier times, this country could have become part of Australia, but we missed the boat.
Our neighbours make it clear that they regard us as much loved younger brothers - so much so that this year they began sending poorly behaved Kiwis back, because they realised that here they'd see a better example.
The Aussies have kept a Jacked flag. We should accept that, despite rough edges, our older brother is more grown up, and knows best.
New Zealand lost its valued status as a British colony quite recently. (1907, I believe. It seems like yesterday). It is far too soon to consider another flag.
This should only occur when we mature, and can take our place as a confident, full-fledged country. We have a long way to go - did you know we still allow children to do the haka? (Thank you Cudlip Trout).
● John Lapsley flies the flag in Arrowtown.
