As the silly season gains momentum, I find myself stressing not only over the last-minute Christmas shopping and appropriate trolley etiquette in overcrowded supermarkets, but also because I have to make a very important decision regarding who the winners of the Halberg Awards will be this year.
I've always wondered who these decision-makers are and recently was asked to be one.
First I was honoured and then I thought, oh man, what a responsibility.
I remember being slightly annoyed with the voting academy of the rugby awards when the Black Ferns women's rugby team never won team of the year during my career.
In my naive mind I dwelled on why we weren't considered worthy of the recognition when we'd won three World Cups and lost only one game in 17 years.
All the players had committed many hours and energy bytes training, playing, and planning to be the best rugby players and team they could be.
But alas, it never seemed to be enough.
As a consolation prize, we received the Fair Play Award which, we all know, is often a slap-in-the-face award that no-one wants to get.
Now I find myself on the voting academy with 28 other media representatives, athletes and coaches deciding who out of the 66 nominees deserves to be a finalist for the sportsman, sportswoman, sports coach, and sports team categories.
We received biographies outlining the achievements of all of the athletes, teams, and coaches and believe me, there are some amazing individuals and teams here in New Zealand.
As a country we often box above our weight and have world champions, high achievers, and outstanding performances to show for it.
Deciding on the finalists for the Halberg Awards is always controversial, and everyone will have different criteria they use to determine who is more deserving.
I've recently learnt as a result of writing this column that if you're going to place your ideas and opinions in the public arena, you should expect to be judged. I have to tell myself that all feedback is constructive feedback as I massage my sorely bruised ego.
How do I make a fair and sound decision regarding the Halberg finalists?
Personally, I take into consideration world rankings, the competition pool (how many other athletes/teams compete in this event or sport), the impact the performance has had on New Zealanders and New Zealand society, and the past performances of the nominee.
It is definitely not an easy process to go through and I agonised for ages over who did or did not deserve to go to the next round.
Then I remember that these athletes, coaches and teams do not perform to the best of their ability, make sacrifices, and show sheer determination and focus in the sporting arena in order to win these accolades.
They perform because they are competitive, strive for excellence, and are driven to gain personal bests, medals, world records, and self-satisfaction. As an ex-Black Fern, I often feel sad that we never gained respect from our predominantly male peers at award ceremonies.
But then I remember the elation we felt when we scored tries, made big tackles, won games, beat the English or Australians, and held the World Cup aloft not once, not twice but three times.
That seems to put things in perspective as I nut out who I will nominate in the four Halberg Award categories.
All athletes, teams and coaches who shun mediocrity deserve recognition but there can only be so many Halberg finalists and winners.
The Halberg Awards are a huge honour but being nominated or made a winner is a perk of the business, rather than the raison d'etre for athletes and coaches throughout New Zealand.
At the end of the day, whatever I write in this column and whatever decision I make as a voter, my child will still smile at me (until he is a teenager at least!) and the athletes and coaches will continue to strive for excellence.
With that in mind, I'll nominate with a clear conscience and then brave the masses at the mall to do my last-minute Christmas shopping.
