I realised myself domesticated when I reviewed, with deeply saturated glee, my Christmas haul: four jumpers, a chocolate-brown corduroy blazer, six pairs of socks, a plush bathrobe and, yes, an iPad. I was chuffed. I'm still chuffed.
I never thought nylon, wool and terrycloth could bring such full-bodied contentment. But life is good. I want for little and need for less. Therefore I can dawdle on my iPad while luxuriating in purple socks. There's not much to worry about.
I used to worry. About everything. Principal among all the existential crises I've suffered through were the Boston Red Sox. The Red Sox had a much-ballyhooed and tortured past. The Red Sox were said to have been cursed due to their ability to find a way to lose at the most gut-wrenching occasions.
But once the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, their first title in 86 years, all the angst related to being a fan was summarily vanquished. The fear of never knowing if they would win a championship in your lifetime was eliminated and that was great.
The soul searching was over when Boston beat the New York Yankees in improbable fashion in the ALCS and then swept the St Louis Cardinals in the World Series. We found the wife. We found the perfect house. We found a good job. We got a cute dog and two kids.
For years and years, any Red Sox fan (all of them tortured) would profess a desire to win like other teams won. A championship here or there, sandwiched between years of slightly-above-mediocre to good performances on the field - that would be just swell.
Sure, the highs wouldn't be too high, but lows wouldn't be too low, either. The life of fans of the "other" teams was more envied than the prospect of living and dying through 162 games (about 1500 innings or nearly 9000 outs) a season and the woulda-coulda-shoulda heartbreak that cursed the Red Sox in 10 post-seasons since their last championship in 1918.
The Red Sox won in 2004, won again in 2007 and have made the playoffs in 2005, 2008 and 2009.
Last season, they were slightly above mediocre and missed the playoffs. And that was OK with me. Missing the play-offs barely registers any pain. It's just disappointing.
You could say that sanctioning mediocrity from your favourite team is less about tacit acceptance of maturing fandom than it is about just not caring any more.
But I do care. I still obsessively scan message boards looking for rumours of who the Red Sox might sign next. Conversations with my cousin always veer immediately towards the implications of an injury to a faceless reserve outfielder.
The Sox play 162 games a season. I check for a score on 162 game days. I guess this means life is still worth living when the Sox blow a lead in the ninth inning and conversely, I'm not going to conquer the world after a walk-off homer.
Life as a Red Sox fan these days is easy going. We know the team has good ownership and great management. The future looks bright. There are few wants in the line-up and even fewer needs.
For now I can sit back, wrapped warmly in the proverbial terrycloth of slightly-above-mediocre, safe in the knowledge that the angst, pain, and self-flagellation that used to mean being a Red Sox fan is over and the good days lie ahead.
Now then, where did I put that iPad?
ZACH HOSSEINI
- Writer
• Team: Boston Red Sox.
• Sport: Baseball.
• Fan since: Consciousness.
• Favourite player: Pedro Martinez.
• Greatest moment: Coming from 3-0 down to beat the Yankees in the ALCS in 2004.
• Been to Fenway Park?: Many times.
Share your passion
Two summers ago, the Otago Daily Times ran a popular series called My Team, where fervent fans of British football clubs talked about their passion.
Welcome to part two, where fans of teams in any sport are asked to open their hearts.
If you want to take part in the series, email sports editor Hayden Meikle (hayden.meikle@odt.co.nz) with the name of your team and a daytime phone number.
Loving the All Blacks, fretting over the Black Caps, cheering the Silver Ferns and hating the Crusaders are passions shared by most fans south of the Waitaki, so we are looking mainly for fans of overseas teams.
