Tana Umaga. Oh dear.
I can't recall feeling so sad about an All Black's decline in a long time.
This is worse than seeing Norm Hewitt in a see-through sequinned top in a televised dancing competition.
Worse than hearing the constant and embarrassing sniping that has poured out of Justin Marshall's mouth since he left New Zealand.
Even worse than the transformation of Murray Mexted from classy No 8 to inanest of the inane commentators.
Umaga was, for a younger generation, a sort of Kennedyesque - I suppose Obamaesque will become the new term - rugby figure.
He was unique, in that he had dreadlocks and was the first Pacific Islander to captain the All Blacks, and he just exuded class.
Apart from being the best All Black captain since Sean Fitzpatrick, following an undistinguished line that included Taine Randell, Todd Blackadder, Anton Oliver and Reuben Thorne, he was a centre par excellence, a midfield back with all the skills and a presence that only the great ones have.
Richie McCaw has developed into a fine captain but there remains a void at centre.
Conrad Smith is nominally the first choice, but I genuinely don't think he's good enough, and Richard Kahui's best years are to come.
• . . . to the predictable
Unfortunately, my memories of Umaga the player have been clouded by the farcical nature of his first coaching tenure, at Le Toulon Festival Rugby Club.
Toulon, the plaything of a billionaire, spent big to get promoted into the top French league, recycling everyone from Andrew Mehrtens to Anton Oliver and whistling in Jerry Collins and Sonny Bill Williams.
Promotion might have been easily achieved but success in the Top 14, where every club has pots of money to spend on stars, proved elusive. Now Umaga's status has been downgraded and he looks set to become a player-coach.
Anyone could have seen this coming. Great players rarely make great coaches, and every great coach has served some sort of apprenticeship.
Umaga got the job on reputation alone and it was always going to end badly.
As a player, he must be well past his prime and I fail to see what he and Money Bill can do to save Toulon.
• Getting creative with the truth
I subscribe to two of those Google alerts that email you with the latest news about a subject of your choice. ("Otago rugby" and "New Zealand golf" are my choices at the moment.)
One that popped into my inbox this week was intriguing. It appeared to be from a small English newspaper and quoted a bloke called Dave Robins, the director of rugby at a club called Malvern.
Robins heralded the arrival of one Aaron Clark, the "hooker for the New Zealand Under-19 squad". He came from the "Kevins School" in North Otago, which had produced 22 All Blacks, apparently. And he was recommended by North Otago's coach, John Clarke.
I was lost for words. One of two things has happened. Either the newspaper or the club has got some serious facts wrong, or there is a young rugby player spinning some brilliant stories.
For the record, ST Kevins has produced seven All Blacks. North Otago's coach is one Mike Mullins. And no-one called Aaron Clark has ever played hooker for New Zealand Under-19, according to the records we have.
• Golden goose flees the Phoenix
It still seems crazy that New Zealand's greatest striker since Wynton Rufer is leaving the Wellington Phoenix next season.
Shane Smeltz held the still-fledgling side together in its second season in the A-League and has just won the Golden Boot for leading scorer in the league.
Smeltz is a classic poacher, who has the tendency to occasionally drift out of a game but also has an unbelievable knack for finding the back of the net for club and country.
He's got his reasons for going to the Gold Coast but I fear his departure will set the Phoenix back drastically in the club's bid to gain a foothold in what is a surprisingly tough league.
• There is always hope
Chances are you had never heard of Pat Perez before last week's Bob Hope Classic tournament.
But the popular golfer is now the toast of the PGA Tour after winning his first title, seven years and no fewer than 198 tournaments since he joined the big league.
Perez needed par for an emotional victory on the 18th hole of his final round and sank a short putt for a birdie three.
According to one newspaper, Perez turned his phone on the next day to find it overflowing with congratulatory texts from everyone from fellow professional John Daly to actor Joe Pesci.
What a story: a good-hearted bloke plugging away in the hope of making it big.
And that, according to a colleague who is trying to educate me about golf, is what makes the sport great.
• When winning is not enough
Two fascinating stories have illuminated the problem of mismatches in sport.
In Texas, a girls high school coach was fired after his team beat a tiny school, consisting of challenged teenagers, by the horrific score of 100-0.
And in England rugby's minor league, Alcester beat Coventry Saracens 194-3, with the Saracens side able to field only eight players, three in the forwards and five in the backs.
Thankfully, the English rugby score was wiped from the books on a technicality - it's actually illegal to field a scrum consisting of fewer than five players.
But the basketball saga has dragged on. The coach, bizarrely, is still defending his team, even though "running up the score" is considered by Americans to be one of the lowest acts on a sports field.
