• Lining up Punter . . .
Perspective is a valuable asset in sport.
It helps fans cope with the devastation of seeing their favourite teams bomb out, crash and burn, choke, fall short and generally let them down.
Perspective has been necessary for All Black supporters over the past 12 months. It was perspective that helped them accept that while the All Blacks failed miserably at the World Cup, and while Graham Henry somehow held on to a job that should have been given to Robbie Deans, life would go on and their team would succeed again.
That's why I wonder if some people couldn't use just a teensy bit of perspective when rushing to condemn Australian cricket captain Ricky Ponting for his decision to - bear with me - use his slower bowlers rather than his quicker men in the final test against India because the team's over rate was slow and if the Australians didn't make up time Ponting might have been banned for one test.
The critics have been elbowing each other for room to fire the biggest blows, with the general feeling being that Ponting has committed the most heinous cricketing crime since Bodyline and is unfit to adjust his box let alone lead his country.
But I'm not convinced all the arguments stack up.
• . . . for a kick in the pants
This will be an unpopular theory but I believe Ponting has been treated a little unfairly by a hypocritical press desperate to see him fail.
In pure cricketing terms, Ponting clearly stuffed up. He needed to press the advantage against the Indians and should have used his best bowlers, perhaps asking the quicks to shorten their run-ups or simply get through their overs quicker.
But it's a bit rich to crucify the Australian captain for putting the rules of cricket ahead of a desperate plug for victory. The critics are saying, in essence, Ponting should have gleefully breached the over-rate principles and welcomed the prospect of a test ban in order to have the slim chance (India was still clearly in command of the test because Australia had to bat fourth) of drawing - not winning - a series.
In other words, he should have embraced a win-at-all-costs attitude. But that's precisely the approach that has prompted so much fierce criticism of the Australians since Steve Waugh first coined the concept of "mental disintegration".
Let's face it, Australia v India is now a really nasty spat between two playground bullies. You've got boorish, foul-mouthed Australians against arrogant Indians who seem giddy with power and feel they are above the law.
Ponting's got his flaws. But some of the reaction to his captaincy decisions has been over the top.
• The haka drama continues
My feelings on the haka are (1) it is overdone, (2) the All Blacks get far too precious about it, and (3) it is overdone, especially by skinny white guys, bronze medallists and Ali Williams.
The horror continues.
First we have a haka hooha in the oxymoronically-named Rugby League World Cup, with the English snubbing the Kiwis' haka by turning their backs and discussing the latest happenings on Coronation Street in a huddle.
Outrage, mutterings of disrespect . . . the reaction was predictable.
Then some Irish plonker with a column goes off at the All Blacks, says that everybody hates them and labels the haka a "leery war dance". Brave stuff when your country has never tasted victory against the All Blacks.
But all this is nothing next to some potentially disturbing news coming out of an area close to my heart.
The Last Word understands the North Otago rugby team has been regularly performing a haka on its tour of Japan.
If it's a one-off and simply for the purpose of attracting attention and promoting New Zealand in a country known to love all things Kiwi, then I will suppress my gagging reflex for a moment.
But if North Otago has developed some sort of haka it intends to perform in the future, I will despair. Pray that it isn't true. It would be the worst thing to happen to a fine rugby province since some idiot coined the nickname Turbines.
• Shooting Stars have other priorities
Never has English premier league football been so popular.
In Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, a national football league game was ruined when the Kangaroo Shooting Stars (great name) were forced to play part of a game with only seven players.
Where were the others? At home watching Arsenal v Manchester United. Beautiful.
"This is really a disaster to us," a Shooting Stars official said after the team was beaten 5-0 by the Msewe Rangers.
• Thou shalt not mention the Hand of God
The Iglesia Maradona (Maradonian Church in Spanish) apparently features more than 100,000 members in 60 countries.
Professing an undying love for the great Diego Maradona, the cocaine-snorting idol and new coach of the Argentina football team, is sort of a prerequisite for the church, which lists as its 10 commandments. -
1. The ball is never soiled.
2. Love football above all else.
3. Declare unconditional love for Diego and the beauty of football.
4. Defend the Argentina shirt.
5. Spread the news of Diego's miracles throughout the universe.
6. Honour the temples where he played and his sacred shirts.
7. Don't proclaim Diego as a member of any single team.
8. Preach and spread the principles of the Church of Maradona.
9. Make Diego your middle name.
10. Name your first son Diego.
