There is . . .
We take you back now live to the scene in Mosgiel where the All Blacks have just defied NEARLY EVERYONE’S predictions and sent world No 1 team Ireland tumbling out of the Rugby World Cup.
Hadrian looks shocked. Alicent looks delighted (and a little smug).
A conversation unfolds.
Hadrian: You did. You actually did. To be fair, my suggestion Ireland would win was based on form and logic and highly sophisticated rugby knowledge, and yours — my love — was based on nothing more than blind cheerleading for your beloved All Blacks.
A: I told you so.
H: What a game. Amazing game. EXTRAORDINARY game. Could have gone either way, so it’s not like my prediction of an Irish win was that crazy.
A: I told you so.
H: Sam Cane. Wow. Remember all those people bagging me when I gave him a 7/10 in our ratings for the Forsyth Barr Stadium test? Eating their words now, eh!
A: I told you so.
H: Ardie Savea. Woof. He’s going to be remembered as an all time great, I guarantee it.
A: I told you so.
H: Jordie Barrett! Ethan de Groot! Sam Whitelock! Even the man I have doubted for a while, Richie Mo’unga!
A: I told you so.
. . . no need to gloat
H: Anyhoo, enough about one of the greatest games in World Cup history. On to the Pumas.
A: I told you so.
H: Could be a banana skin game. It really could. All Blacks are the better team, man for man, yes. But Argentina have a real spine.
A: I told you so.
H: There has to be some small concern that the All Blacks might be a bit spent, or simply won’t be able to muster up the same intensity and ruthless efficiency they showed against the Irish.
A: I told you so.
H: I mean, has Cane got another game like that in him? Ardie might be due a stinker? Is there really a deep well of composure and class in the backline?
A: I told you so.
H: Oooh and remember the last World Cup. We were strongly favoured to beat England in the semifinal and we got bamboozled.
A: I told you so.
H: Don’t forget the Pumas beat the All Blacks in New Zealand last year.
A: I told you so.
H: Fine. All Blacks by 12 — potentially more if the game breaks open. And if I have just jinxed your beloved men in black, I promise to take you on that cruise in the Mediterranean.
A: I told you so.
GOAT ODIs
Say, what are the odds New Zealand can win two World Cups this year?
Nice to see the Black Caps sailing through the early rounds of the Cricket World Cup, although the next week or so is going to get a whole lot tougher.
Cricinfo has been counting down its 20 greatest one-day internationals in the run-up to the tournament.
Three Black Caps games make the cut.
There is the pool game against Australia at the 2015 World Cup — Trent Boult took five for 27 as the Aussies were rolled for 151, and the Black Caps got there with nine wickets down — and the amazing semifinal (the Grant Elliott game) against South Africa later at that tournament.
No 1 on their list is the 2019 final. Which, you will recall, went a bit crazy. Cricinfo described the Black Caps-England clash as "befuddling, incomprehensible, alien — the last great ODI".
Cricket at its finest
You probably read about this in Chris Trotter’s column in the ODT on Thursday.
But I have to mention it again.
The women’s T20 series between Argentina and Chile — yes, those two nations — was one for the ages.
Argentina batted first in all three, and sort of dominated. Try 427 for one (in a T20!) against 63 all out, 300 for six against 19 all out, and 333 for one against 22 all out.
The final game was surreal. Chile’s 22 included 21 extras — the hero of the hour one Emilia Toro, who scored a sparkling single off 14 balls.
Flagging it
Flag football in the Olympics? Almost as weird as including cricket, given absolutely nobody outside the US and Canada plays the abbreviated version of American football.
But, hey, let’s do it. Another chance to win a medal, and given New Zealand’s depth of talent in rugby, league and sevens, surely we can name a couple of strong teams.
It is five-a-side, so how about these lineups:
Rieko Ioane, Will Jordan, Damian McKenzie, Ardie Savea, Jahrome Hughes.
Sylvia Brunt, Stacey Waaka, Ruby Tui, Renee Holmes, Raecene McGregor.
The name was Bond
I have just finished reading Modern New Zealand Cricket Greats, from master New Zealand sportswriter Dylan Cleaver.
He profiles everyone from Stephen Fleming to Kane Williamson —basically every world-class male cricketer we have had over the past 25 years — and digs out some nice wee stories.
Reading the Shane Bond chapter just made me sad.
Eighteen tests, 87 wickets at 22.09. And 82 ODIs, 147 wickets at 20.88. What a player until injury and "rebel" T20 commitments took him away.
Quote of the week
"Sell the team, dude. Let someone who actually, like, takes pride in the things they own, own something. There’s actually people who give a s... about the game. Take mommy and daddy’s money somewhere else, dork. If you’re going to be a greedy f..., own it. There’s nothing weaker than being afraid of cameras. Whatever, you’re a billionaire, they exist, you guys have all this power — you shouldn’t have any because you haven’t earned any of it, but anyway, whatever.”
An outstanding retirement announcement from baseball pitcher Trevor May, who launched a fierce attack on Oakland Athletics owner John Fisher. The As are awful, they play in a crumbling stadium, and Fisher plans to relocate the franchise to Las Vegas.
