Monday was my last day at work. I struggled to leave, and kept finding last-minute things to do and people to meet. My work-related ego was struggling. How could they cope without me? Would I be missed?
In the end, it took a fire drill, complete with shrill siren, to get me out of the office.
The way I was feeling on my last day at work reminded me of the way I felt when I retired from playing rugby.
I was sad about ending one part of my life, and excited about the challenges ahead.
I was willing to face up to the future at the weekend after watching the All Blacks convincingly thrash the Wallabies, and the Brisbane Broncos beat the Dragons into submission in the NRL premiership race.
In the All Blacks there were players who seemed indispensable like Dan Carter and Richie McCaw, and then there were players who must have been watching nervously from the bench or the stands as their replacements stamped their mark on the black jersey.
And that is life in a nutshell, really.
You have to do the best you can while you have your moment in the sun, which can be fleeting or fulfilling.
If you still desire to get back out there in the sun, then you have to be resilient and bounce back.
Sitiveni Sivivatu must be slightly stressed because Cory Jane played outstandingly.
The tentative grasp Isaac Ross had on the locking jersey may be under threat from newcomer Tom Donnelly or comebacker Jason Eaton.
Whether we like it or not, we are all dispensable and replaceable.
We can, however, stamp our mark on a team or a sport and be unforgettable.
Having read tidbits from Wayne Bennett's book The Man in the Mirror, I've become a huge fan of Brad Thorn.
I don't care what anyone says about his age or ability, he has virtues and traits that I admire, and it appears he made a lasting impression on Bennett while with the Broncos.
Thorn was described as an athlete who played with real emotion and I can see that when he plays for the All Blacks.
He is also a quiet achiever who just gets on with it.
He is one of those individuals who helps build a tradition the next generation of players can carry into the future.
Bennett must have had mixed emotions watching the Broncos team (which he coached for 21 years) convincingly beat his Dragons 24-10 in the weekend.
But Bennett, like Thorn, gets on with the task at hand.
In the last chapter of his book, he quotes a poem written in 1959 by Saxon N. White Kessinger titled There Is No Indispensable Man. It inspires me to accept the next part of my journey and to do the best I can when I'm in the moment sporting-wise or life-wise.
Some time when you're feeling important,
Some time when your ego's in bloom,
Some time when you take it for granted
You're the best qualified in the room,
Sometimes when you feel that your going
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how they humble your soul.
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to the wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining
Is a measure of how you will be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop and you'll find that in no time
It looks quite the same as before.
The moral of this quaint example
Is do just the best that you can,
Be proud of yourself but remember,
There's no indispensable man.
