Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt have been the major stories of the Olympic Games in Beijing. But which man should be acclaimed the bigger star? Sports editor Hayden Meikle tries, and fails, to come up with a satisfying answer.
My heart says Phelps but my head says Bolt.
Phelps won more medals. Bolt won more fans.
Phelps tucks away a bigger breakfast. Bolt is cooler.
Phelps has been romantically linked to Australian swimming star Stephanie Rice.
Bolt asked Miss China to come back to Jamaica with him.
Phelps had to swim in the shadow of Mark Spitz.
Bolt had Michael Johnson and Carl Lewis to beat to the tape.
Another swimmer said Phelps came from "a different planet".
Another runner said Bolt was a "bad mamma-jamma", whatever that means.
You could play this game all day and not really answer the very basic question of whose effort in Beijing was the greater.
How do you compare track and field with swimming, for a start?
Both are freaks, that much is clear.
Phelps was born to swim and does it better than anybody on the planet.
Bolt was born to run and has left daylight between him and his competitors.
They have vastly different personalities.
Phelps, for all his brilliance, is a bit vanilla.
Bolt is a complete clown with a massive ego and a series of bizarre pre-race and post-race celebrations.
Phelps presents a fairly compelling case to be considered the greatest Olympian of all time, not just the best of Beijing.
Eight gold medals, for goodness sake. FOURTEEN across two Olympics.
But he did get help, winning golds as part of three relay teams over the last fortnight.
And swimming is less taxing than running.
You can swim several times a day and win multiple medals.
You couldn't possibly do several 100m or 200m sprints at that level in a day.
Phelps was pushed - hard - in a couple of his races in Beijing.
Bolt seemed to have it too easy.
But Bolt was so good, he didn't have close rivals pushing him forward.
Everyone knows top athletes produce their best when they have the bloke in second place breathing down their neck.
Phelps won more gold medals at one Olympics than any athlete in history.
Eight other runners besides Bolt have done the 100m-200m double, so it's not like it's a rare achievement.
But Bolt did become the first man to break the world record in both events at the Games.
Of course, Phelps had the advantage of having more events in which to enter.
Bolt doesn't get to run the 150m, or the 75m skip.
One final element runs in Bolt's favour: the 100m is such a damn sexy event.
It's the most primal of Olympic disciplines.
Fastest wins, simple as that.
Ultimately, it's a fruitless debate.
Whether you prefer the black man who runs fast or the white man who swims fast, you have to accept both are champions.
