Question: Why is Luis Suarez the most talented sportsman on the planet?
Answer: Not many people can play football and eat Italian at the same time.
Boom boom.
The real question, for me and the millions of other people who worship at the temple of Liverpool Football Club, is this: How much longer can we go on accepting the failings of Luis Suarez, the human being, even if Luis Suarez, the footballing genius, keeps scoring and creating goals of spectacular quality?
See, non-sports fans hate it when the language of war is used in a sporting context. They mock us for describing a game as a ''battle'', or for referring to players as ''troops'', or for wondering if a Richie McCaw injury is a ''tragedy'' for the All Blacks.
That is understandable. Sport is not, and will never be, remotely on the scale of something as horrific as real war.
But, at the same time, a term like ''conflict'' perfectly encapsulates the inner turmoil caused by the actions of someone as polarising as Suarez.
We gasp in awe at the Uruguayan striker's abilities with the ball at his feet, and gasp in shock at his predilection for cannibalism.
We know that Luis Suarez is both a god (footballing ability), and an utter slug (his behaviour).
In many respects, this sort of hypocrisy is not limited to this one player, even if he represents the most extraordinary combination of genius-madman in world sport, or even one code.
You might still be a Tiger Woods or Lance Armstrong fan, and ignore the evidence that neither is a particularly nice man.
You might love football but hate diving, or you might love rugby but hate reset scrums, confusion at the breakdown and deranged parents yelling on the sidelines.
You might love cricket but wonder how its famous ''spirit'' fits in with bowling bouncers at tail-enders, refusing to walk, and selling out to whichever billionaire is prepared to run a twenty20 festival.
I can't defend Luis Suarez's crime yesterday. It was despicable. It was appalling. He's a recidivist.
Why does he even bite? It is almost as if, in that split second of anger, he is back in kindergarten, and lashing out at the kid who has stolen his crayon.
Former England and Liverpool striker Stan Collymore has an interesting theory. On the Bleacher Report website yesterday, he referred to the ''grey area that separates mental health issues from genius'', citing greats like Paul Gascoigne, George Best and Diego Maradona.
Suarez obviously had impulse issues, and needed counselling, Collymore wrote.
''There are a lot of geniuses who have played professional football and other professional sports who have had quite significant mental health issues.
''But Suarez is the first I can remember - and I'll stick my neck out and say this - for whom those issues came out on the football pitch in such spectacular fashion.''
Most of me - the football fan, the decent human, the father - loathes Luis Suarez right now. And, sure, it is tempting to ponder whether he should be banned for life, and to wonder if Liverpool should cash in on its wayward asset when it can.
Fangs for the memories, and all that.
But, you know what? If he's wearing a red jersey at Anfield on August 17, when the new season starts, and he scores a hat trick to lead my beloved Liverpool to a win over Southampton, you don't think I'll be cheering?
Sports fans. We're all hypocrites. Chew on that.
