I always wanted the Queenstown Times to be out, loud and proud in the community it serves, but I never thought it would involve wearing war paint, a shock-frock and a fright wig.
But so it came to pass.
When bureau chief Tracey Roxburgh coyly asked if I was up for the Queenstown Winter Festival Drag Race more than a month ago, I gave an enthusiastic yes.
Then I realised what I had done.
This week, festival day events manager Stan van Jaarsveld told me the drill for this Sunday.
Contestants will gather about 11.15pm in their finery for a fortifying drink, nibbles and the application of make-up.
"At 1.15pm you're picked up by the open-top Remarkables bus and driven around town to the event at Earnslaw Park," he said.
We are due to arrive about 1.30pm.
I struggled with a suitable "stage" name, but luckily my esteemed comrades around the Otago Daily Times had no shortage of ideas and have been falling over themselves to make suggestions.
They even made it into a competition.
Some are not fit for publication in a family newspaper, while others were just plain wrong (Shanda Lier, Poppy Cock and Carrie Oakey come to mind), but after much debate they settled on one.
After all the votes were in counted, checked and clarified, I'm pleased to announce for one day only (and by the narrowest of margins) , I will be known as Glenda Bender.
Mr van Jaarsveld said the race consisted of a run around a sort of hay bale obstacle course circuit.
Flat shoes are forbidden, which begs the question, "where am I going to get size 15 stilettoes?"
"Some of the guys will be really competitive, some not," Mr van Jaarsveld said.
"If you win that round, you go on to the final and prizegiving is at 2.10pm. The prizes? A sash, a crown and the glory."
I turn to Ngai Tahu southern regional manager David Kennedy for his sage advice.
Mr Kennedy has competed in at least 10 drag races since the event began in 1991 and said it was always meant to capture the wacky spirit of the festival.
He said he hung up his high heels about five years ago after he won but was coaxed out of retirement, Muhammad Ali-style, for one more run in 2007.
"You want to avoid getting tangled up at the start. The secret is to hang at the back of the pack and get some inside lane running, so you're not caught up in the fracas at the front."
Mr Kennedy said high heels were compulsory, but there had been a lack of stipendiary stewards in the past few years and a few flat soles had crept in.
I fear footwear could mean the difference between victory and defeat.
Mr Kennedy also recommended I "layer up" as it would be a balmy midwinter temperature on the park.
"It's important to accessorise - it's all about the hair and the nails... The newcomers are always a bit nervous because they don't know what they're getting into.
"It can be a bit nerve-racking in front of the crowd if you're a man dressed as a woman for the first time."
Up to eight, including this humble correspondent, had entered by the start of this week.
Last year, there were 12. The odds could be in my favour - but what to wear?
The name game
When the call went out to help with an appropriate drag queen name, the creative juices began to flow and the suggestions came in thick and fast.
Some may have missed the word "appropriate", but the responses resulted in a few chuckles, a couple of snorts and the occasional Muttley-style laugh.
Following are some of the names suggested by Otago Daily Times staffers:
• Son of a Beech (suggested by features writer Nigel Benson)
• Life's a Beech (Benson again)
• Bondi Beech (Benson yet again... he was having a quiet day)
• Beeatch (Dunedin reporter John Lewis)
• Tequila Mockingbird (literary folk and drunkards will like this)
• Gail Force (cheesy but he could be a force to be reckoned with)
• Anita Cocktail (he WILL need a cocktail after being in drag)
• Paige Turner (possibly the most appropriate considering he's representing the newspaper)
• Shanda Lier (because he is roof height, hits the roof, raises the roof etc)
• Carrie Oakey (but can he sing?)
• Jenny Tonic
• Poppy Cock (suggested by Wanaka-based reporter Matthew Haggart)
• Tess Tosterone (suggested by Balclutha-based reporter Glenn Conway)
• Eileen Dover (Conway)
• Ivana B. Queen (Conway)
• Glenda Bender (Conway... keeping busy in South Otago)
• Miss Print (suggested by Oamaru-based reporter Sally Rae).
