In reality, we politely bat away the suggestions with justifiable excuses: "I don’t have time", or the tried and true "We’ve done that before and it didn’t work".
What would happen if, instead of saying no, we just said yes?
A colleague of mine, Matt Rouse, wrote a book on this very topic, Start Saying Yes — it’s a great read, targeted at customer service but relevant to all life.
In his book, he describes a situation at a cafe where his wife asked the waiter, "Could I get the chicken pasta, but without the chicken, maybe with just some vegetables instead". The answer was, "No, but we can do the ‘no chicken’ part."
Imagine the business owner if they had heard. Vegetables are cheaper than chicken, who would say no to that? I am picking the cafe didn’t get a second visit.
What do opportunities look like when we approach them with a lens of "yes, and how?" instead of "no, leave me alone"?
I was in a meeting where I was getting peppered with quite legitimate questions as to why I hadn’t done something I should have.
At that time, I had a huge amount on and an issue that I couldn’t share. So, I hit defence mode — the best form of defence is to attack and a flare-up resulted. What could I have done instead? I could have said, "Yes, we do need to do that, but I need help".
Those three words — "I need help" — are hard to say, but often entirely appropriate.
This would have shifted the focus of the meeting to shared problem-solving rather than conflict.
Understanding the "no" response is also important for the questioner. Defensive positions come about often because people are overwhelmed, overworked and worn out — managing day to day is enough, anything new is too much.
If the questioner is making suggestions which create more work or the questions are interpreted as non-supportive, the response will be a default position of negativity or digging in. Offering a different style of questioning can really make a difference — "How can we help you with this?" as opposed to "Why are you not doing this?".
When questioned myself, I am also trying to respond differently — I don’t always get this right.
Tiredness might lead to a reactionary defence position of "no"’ — in recognition, I am shifting the answer to, "Can you speak to me about this tomorrow when I am fresh?". I am then able to come back more constructively, and if it’s a good idea, we work out the "how".
Opening up to saying "yes" means problem-solving, progress and an amazing shift of mindset.
I really notice people with a yes mindset in my new business.
To design, develop and get new products to market, we collaborate with people from different organisations and often ask them to do things they haven’t done before. I have been shocked by entrenched "no" answers. I have also been shocked by how slowly many New Zealand organisations move — slowness is a polite, but weak, way of saying no.
The thing is, when you are in a start-up business, no can’t be an answer. So, we do a work-around and find someone in another organisation who will say yes.
When we find that person, it’s like whizzing down a slide with no sand in your togs.
The shared problem-solving is so completely different from what went before. Interestingly, the people who put up the obstacles and said "no" are the first to be insulted when they find out you went ahead with someone else — humankind is a strange beast.
Start saying yes — you will be amazed at where it takes you!
- Anna Campbell is a co-founder of Zestt Wellness, a nutraceutical company, and a partner of AbacusBio Ltd, an agri-technology company.
