Summer beach philosophy
It was a holiday-maker’s shack near the shore on one of the bays north of Dunedin; the occupant, a man of solid make and experienced look, seemed to be occupying it solus, in the manner of a hermit crab. "Pleasant morning,’’ said I, strolling past (my own shack was half a mile away); "Living alone?" "Yes, said he, "quite alone. You see, I’m studying the Einstein theory — that’s how I take my holiday. Relativity, you know; it takes a lot of thinking, and you can't do it with a lot of people about. You've not studied Einstein? No? Wonderful theory! This planet of ours is in motion and yet stationary; it moves and at the same time stands still. What is in front is behind, and what is behind is in front. There is no up and no down, no near and no far, no big and no little: nothing is absolute, everything relative. If the whole universe were compressed into the size of an orange we should see no change; the sun would still seem to us ninety millions of miles away. Relativity! Same with time — there is no absolute time; space and time both are not real existences but relations. And so last week is this week and yesterday is tomorrow. Ah!" said he, interrupting himself, "I’ve got a bite!" — he was fishing off a rock. "I’ve got him — a trumpeter, by Jove! Come along, my beauty!" — hauling in. "You’re fish today, you'll be man tomorrow. I’ve got you, but equally you’ve got me. Same with those giddy bipeds along the beach there," waving towards some surfing picnickers: "Men and women, boys and girls? Not a bit. They are the things they have eaten. What you see capering about in the surf and on the sand are sheep and oxen, pigs and poultry, wheat and oats, potatoes and cabbage. Wonderful doctrine Relativity!" — Left cleaning his trumpeter.
On vaccinating children
Children are, of course, very ‘kittle cattle’ for the vaccinationist to handle. Yon can operate on them with impunity, and without arousing a trace of fear, if you take them the right way. — ODT, 30.12.1922
Compiled by Peter Dowden
