Todd Withers is in a comfortable place now.
So comfortable we snapped a photo of him wearing Cookie Monster pyjama pants to training last month.
But last year he nearly quit the game he loves.
The Otago Nuggets power forward should have been on top of the world instead of depressed.
That is not how success is meant to feel.
Withers had just helped the Nuggets claim the 2022 National Basketball League title.
But once the euphoria had worn off he discovered he was broken, burnt out and just could not face another season of having to perform each week and fit in with a new club.
He wanted to quit. The 27-year-old came very close to tossing it away. He could not see another way out.
And Withers would have quit, too, had he not had the courage to ask for help.
Mum helped. Mums are good like that.
His agent was incredibly supportive too.
Therapy proved invaluable.
And the Nuggets played an instrumental role in helping him rediscover his passion for the game.
But it was touch and go there for a period.
"It was really bad. I wanted to stop playing basketball and just get my life together," Withers said.
"I’m in a great place now. But I will say, for anybody who is doing this as a job, make sure you take care of mental health.
"It is a big thing. You can’t perform on the court if you are not feeling well mentally.
"I did not take the right precautions."
Withers’ ability to bounce back from bumps and bruises was a curse in a way.
He was able to just keep going when he should have been taking a break. He had pushed himself too hard.
"I didn’t take care of my body. I didn’t take care of my mental health, so after the season I was a bit drained and just out of sorts for the most part."
There are all the other pressures which come with being a professional basketballer which people do not always see. That had started to get on top of Withers and he wanted to get off the merry-go-round.
But he had a long talk with his mother and she helped him see the bigger picture.
"I wasn’t one of those first-picked guys. I don’t come from much. But [his mum] was like, ‘do you want to feel like all this work you’ve done is for nothing?’.
"I didn’t want that but I told her I don’t know if mentally I can’t handle going through another season having to perform and having to go back to being lonely.
"I’ve been without my family for the last five years or so. I can’t do the Christmases, the Thanksgivings and the holidays. I’m spending those days by myself. It it a lonely thing.
"If you are not mentally prepared, it is a very hard thing to go across the water and experience a different culture and you are kind of an outsider.
"I got to a certain point where I was really low and thought, ‘maybe this ain’t for me’."
Courage
It took a lot of courage to ask for help.
"A lot of people will look at you if you ask for help, or you are seeing a therapist, and they kind of make you feel like you are crazy, which you are not.
"Everybody can’t do this life thing by themselves. So, I’m grateful and blessed that I could get the help that I needed.
"It was hard but it was a blessing to go through because it has only made me stronger."
Part of Withers’ healing process involved returning to Dunedin to be with his partner, who he met here, and to train without distractions "from all the other toxic stuff that is in the world, especially in the States".
He was able to focus on training, get his body right and "regain the love for basketball".
Once he felt in a better place, Withers returned to the United States to play for the Texas Legends in the G League.
That got him in a good shape for his second season with the Nuggets.
Withers was instrumental in the championship run last season, but he did not always see himself the way the rest of the world does.
All he could see sometimes were the mistakes. A dropped pass. A missed shot. A turnover.
Defeats got carried through to the next game. Snippy sideline criticism — forgotten in a nanosecond by the lucky some — would wear him thin.
"Last year, and I would never tell anybody, but when we lost, I took it on my chest like it was my fault. Or if we won, I’d think I could have still done more.
"Now I’m at a point where I tune people out. But you do hear the fans every game.
"They cuss you out and this, that and the other.
"To me I laugh now. But before, like last year and leading up to the playoffs, I hear that stuff and I start to question myself. Am I playing that bad?
"I’d probably been having a great game, but in my head I’m thinking I must be playing bad. It would be a trickle-down effect to a point it would affect me in the next game and the next game.
"It was not the Todd Withers I know I can be."
"I’m just happy this year I can show that. It was just a shell of me compared to what I can do this year. The best is yet to come."
Withers will be in action tonight when the Nuggets host the Canterbury Rams at the Edgar Centre.
National Basketball League
Edgar Centre, 7pm
Otago Nuggets: Sam Timmins, Robbie Coman, Todd Withers, Michael Harris, Darcy Knox, Nikau McCullough, Matt Bardsley, Josh Aitcheson, Jack Andrew, Caleb Smiler, Max Pearce, Joe Ahie.
Canterbury Rams: Tom Webley, Max Darling, Taylor Britt, Walter Brown, Tevin Brown, Troy Baxter, Kaia Isaac, Quinn Clinton, Galin Smith.
