The Emmy-nominated broadcaster lasted just 32 days at Television New Zealand after working at Al Jazeera, where he had also been accused of having sent a lewd email to a female colleague.
Speaking publicly for the first time in more than a year, Santamaria talked about the allegations, the effect they’ve had and how the reporting of them had led to his new website The Balance.
“It is very much informed and directed by my own experience over the past year, and yes I will be using it to set some records straight,” he told listeners in the first episode of his podcast, RE: Balance.
“Because in the end, I trust myself to tell my story.”
Santamaria said he had been a journalist for nearly 25 years, but for the last year had to live with the label of being “a disgraced journalist".
“That’s not a pleasant title to live with, but that’s how it’s been ever since my departure from TVNZ in May of last year."
For legal reasons, Santamaria said he has not spoken about his departure from TVNZ - but told listeners he will when he is able.
“The full story has definitely not been told, yet. The headline doesn’t always match the story, and countering that is a big part of what I’m embarking on with The Balance.”
“I am deeply sorry for that and for the effect I have now learned that it had on others,” he said.
He said they also prompted him to look at the environments he was working in.
“What I failed to recognise was particularly in a post ‘Me Too’ world, there is just no place for over friendly, over-familiar, flirtatious, tactile behaviour or banter in the workplace no matter how friendly that workplace is or how prevalent that behaviour might be.
“I’ve made mistakes, but I hope my past doesn’t define who I am in the future.”
Santamaria said the effect on his mental health and that of his family has been “immense, dilapidating and long-lasting” and “it still goes on now”.
He revealed he had been in hiding for a year “growing a beard, always wearing a cap”, afraid to use his own name, and that he is on medication.
Santamaria referred to a report about his visit to the National Business Review, which he said was the “one time” we went out publicly and a journalist turned it into a story.
He said the journalist wrote about how uncomfortable he made people feel by just shaking their hands.
“The whole thing was utterly ridiculous to the point now where I don’t even shake people’s hands anymore.”
Santamaria disclosed that in the early stages, he had been on heavy medication during the day and sedation at night, and the family had him on a round-the-clock suicide watch.
He said he had been in no position, physically or mentally, to speak up for himself at the time.
“The fact that I am still here now is a testament to my family who kept me alive when I didn’t want to go on and they continue to do so,” he said.
SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
• What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
• Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7)
• Helpline: Need to talk? Call or text 1737
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
