Tony (whose name has been changed to protect his identity) studied accounting at the University of Otago and graduated with a bachelor of commerce degree. As part of his studies, he became accustomed to having figures and dollars on his mind and he became adept at analysing the amounts of money he was gambling, he said.
"I used to think it was OK when you're in control of those kind of things ... the money you have in front of you. But I came to realise after a long session, you actually have little, or no, control."
Tony said he was capable of losing "thousands of dollars on occasions". On average, he would gamble away about $100 a sitting, but this did not reflect the "churn" of money which he was putting in the machines.
"It was only until afterwards, looking back, that I began to realise the enormity of what I'd been doing. The amounts I was losing, I would be blown away, yet at the time I had no idea.
"When you are in the moment, you don't even think about the money. Nothing seems real; you are just on a high," Tony said.
He developed relationships with individual machines, drawn by the symbols and "identified lucky factors" which he said came to personify specific gaming machines.
He started gambling on poker machines at venues in the student quarter, specifically the triangle of student pubs comprising the Captain Cook Tavern, the Bowler and the Gardies.
He graduated to the Dunedin Casino once he finished his studies and his problem gambling worsened once he had a steady job and a regular income.
He first sought help from the Dunedin branch of the Problem Gambling Foundation, which is located in Community House at the corner of Moray Pl and Great King St.
"It was starting to have a profound emotional and psychological impact on my life. I would start the day fine and positive about things, and then I would play pokies and go to pieces," he said.
His gambling problem was being noticed by those close to him and began to affect his personal relationships.
"They felt frustrated and powerless. They also realised I needed help a long time before I did myself," he said.
Some of his mates would "joke with him" about the time he spent playing pokies.
Once he fully opened up to his partners, friends and family and confronted his personal problems with gambling, there was a groundswell of support.
He found he was coming home sad, stressed and depressed - the feelings would coincide with sessions playing pokies, usually those which involved a substantial loss.
He said he was now at a stage of acceptance about his problem. And, as part of his counselling, he viewed pokies as "irrelevant".
"I know they are there and I know what they do, but I accept those things. I had to do a lot of work to change my life. Basically, I had to kill the need I felt to gamble."
Psychologically, a component of accepting the gaming machines would always be there was about "not elevating them", nor being "afraid" of them, Tony said.
"Otherwise, you're building them up and elevating them to a state where you're actually subconsciously going to have them in your mind most of the time. If you spend all your time thinking 'I must not' then that means the compulsion is still there.
"When they become irrelevant to you, then that means you're at peace and in control with an outside factor, which is always going to be there.
"It is good to be at that point, because I go past the casino twice a day."
Tony said there was a big difference between the notions of gambling money and losing money.
"They are two totally different things. If you are saying you're prepared to lose this amount, it actually implies you are in control of a situation. I found that I was captured in the moment of playing the pokies and so I was never thinking of when to stop because there was always the possibility I would win."
Gamblers never played with the mindset they were going to lose, or in any way were prepared to lose, he said.
The reality of his situation would be driven home by the "horrific" amounts in his monthly bank statements.
"Reading them was like viewing the aftermath of a financial car crash," Tony said.
Last year was the first time he "felt in control" again of his compulsive need to play pokies. He had been in counselling for a year to get to that point.
He admitted relapsing after first addressing his gambling issues, which involved a two-year break from the habit, before he once again found himself sucked back to the colourful lights, stimulus and the "winning" feelings.
"I started back and was playing on sporadic occasions, but then I found myself regressing and back to the stage of big sessions, big losses," he said.
"I've made the decision now that gambling is of no value to me."
Tony started playing pokies when he was 19, but said he did not really get serious about it until the last year and a-half of his degree.
Now 31, Tony said it was only during the past year that he had felt in control of a former gambling compulsion.
"I never ever thought of it as dangerous. I was naive, thought it was all a bit of fun, but it quickly escalates," he said.
The changes he had made had a "massively positive effect" on his personal, emotional and financial wellbeing.
He said he never stole to pay for his gambling habit.
He had a message for others who were struggling with their out-of-control compulsions for gambling.
"It is about being honest with yourself and the people around you; knowing there is huge support out there. But it has to be you who takes the first step."
Tony said his problem got to the stage where he was constantly seeing pokie symbols, "whenever I shut my eyes".
"I'd dream about them at night," he said. "That's a sad place to be."
He also realised alcohol was an issue, which went hand in hand with his gambling and often increased the likelihood of a long stint on the pokies.
Whenever a gambling loss coincided with a drinking session, it would result in a "double-barrelled hangover", he said.
A combination of alcohol's disinhibiting effect and the influence it played in poor decision-making would contribute to the occasions when he lost "thousands" of dollars.
"If anyone thinks they've got a problem, or any concerns about how gambling may be having an effect on their life, then they should definitely contact the Problem Gambling Foundation.
"Don't let it develop any further."
