Julie Moyle said she and her husband were handed their 17-week-old son Benjamin when he was born.
''We found out he had died two days before I had him, and I had to give birth to him, and we got to spend as much time with him as we wanted.''
John Moyle said Benjamin had ''10 fingers, 10 toes, ears and tongue - everything.''
''He was a perfect little baby,'' Mrs Moyle said.
Mr Moyle said Benjamin was taken to a funeral director for a service attended by family, including their three children, William (5), Kate (3) and Annabel (1).
Mrs Moyle said although Benjamin could not legally be issued with a birth certificate - because he was younger than 20 weeks - the couple had put a death notice in the newspaper.
''For us, his death was as significant as our living children.''
Miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a newborn was a taboo subject for many, especially ''white, middle class Kiwis''. Grieving was more accepted in other cultures, she said.
''It's a sad part of our culture. We are not good at grief.''
The public health system could provide greater support for grieving families.
''By means of support, I've heard nothing from the hospital - not a thing.''
She had joined the Dunedin Baby Bereavement group and had attended a meeting since Benjamin's death.
''They're fabulous - really, really good, but there weren't many mums there. It's almost like there's the shame of going ... I find that so sad.''
In the United States, there were ''massive walks'' of hope and remembrance.
''They are like the Relay for Life. They get together for a day to honour their baby. There's nothing like that here. Benjamin will be a part of me until I die.''
Mr Moyle said people should react to a pregnancy and infant loss the same way as any other death - by sending flowers and consoling the people who had lost the child.
Mrs Moyle said most friends and family provided ''amazing'' support but some had avoided them, which hurt.
''If people remember that this person lives with it every day ... [and] treat him like a living human being, because he was for me. From the day I found out I was pregnant, he existed.''
