Feeling content with your lot in life? That's not a bad thing, writes Jan Aitken.
Picture this: it's a warm Saturday afternoon. There is not much breeze, the sun is shining and it feels warm on your shoulders.
You are sitting in a comfy chair on the freshly mown lawn with a book or magazine in your hands and a cool drink next to you.
You can hear the surf breaking on the beach and the Pacific Ocean is glinting, soaking in the warmth of the strengthening spring sun. You are satisfied, comfortable. You are content!
Ok, that particular scenario may not be your thing, but you get the idea.
I think the art of being content is under-rated: being content gets a bit of a bad rap.
Contentment nowadays seems to be considered a little like settling for second best. It is seen as a bit of a cop-out. Contentment is for lazy people, it's for those who can't quite be bothered putting in the effort to be happy.
Really? Lao Tzu, an ancient Chinese philosopher said "he who is contented is rich''.
Now that's more like it. So what does being contented mean?
In my book, being contented is to do with feeling ok about who you are and where you are in life. It's about being satisfied with things. It's not about being ecstatically happy or particularly sad. To me, contentment sits gently in the middle of those extremes.
Contentment isn't as fleeting as its more expressive counterparts. It's like the studious, capable big sibling quietly doing his/her thing in the background. The problem with that is we often overlook the studious, capable big sibling in favour of the more intriguing and engaging little ones!
Being contented with your lot doesn't necessarily mean that you're settling for second best either. I believe we can be contented and still achieve the things we want to in life.
It also doesn't mean that you won't be happy or sad or angry or feel any of the other myriad emotions we are capable of feeling. Instead it provides a really good foundation for an emotionally intelligent way of living.
Why should you bother about learning to be content? Research shows that contented people are happier with themselves and those around them. They are happier with their lives and are more resilient when knockbacks come along. Contented people are less stressed and have better health than those who are not content.
Discontent starts to creep into our lives when we start thinking "my life will be better when ... x, y and z'' When x, y and z arrive the immediate thought is often "great, now I need ...''. And so the cycle continues.
Constantly chasing goals, dreams and status that aren't aligned with your values will never bring contentment. That approach to life will only lead you down a neverending spiral of unhappiness and discontent.
Take a moment to think about what it would be like to have a life that is more about thriving than striving, to have a life with more contentment. How would it feel to be less stressed and rushed and pushed and pulled? How would it feel to be released from the endless thought cycles of "I must have'' and "I need to get''.
How would it feel to sit down, take a deep breath or two, think about what's good in your life right now and be grateful for it? That's really what being contented is about.
Learning to be contented can be pretty straightforward. Here are my suggestions to get you started:
Accept yourself, and be kind to yourself.
Be aware of your self-talk. If you find yourself muttering "this sucks'' or something similar, stop and work out what's really going on for you. Are you hungry, frustrated, tired or hurt?
Appreciate what you do have. It may be as simple as being thankful for a roof over your head, it doesn't need to be grand and complicated.
Build some simple things into your day or week that give you energy. Do something for you.
Acknowledge what you like about yourself and those around you. No, they're not perfect and neither are you. We're all works in progress.
Acknowledge what's good in your life.
Contentment is the foundation for a happy life, it's more enduring than some of the other emotions we experience. Acknowledging what is good in your life allows you to experience a sense of contentment.
Gearing our lives around dreams and goals that are aligned to our values helps us to grow and to achieve the things we want to in life, while still being able to feel contented in the midst of change.
Jan Aitken is a Dunedin-based life coach.
For more go to www.fitforlifecoaches.co.nz.
Twitter:@jan-aitken
