They encourage us to buy trendy, cheap items as a quick fix to replace things we don’t have the skills or energy to repair. They give us a kind of a sugar rush, then leave us with a surplus to our waist/waste.
Embracing imperfection and looking to repair what has been broken are important in helping us become resilient, especially as we age and have to come to terms with our own imperfections — on the outside and the inside. We don’t realise our full potential until we go through tough times.
The Japanese art form of kintsugi teaches people how to repair broken porcelain pieces with seams of gold, turning them into something new, unique and stronger than the original. Some say it is a metaphor for how we should live life.
Many of the people I work with in mediations, particularly after investigations, are a little broken, or at least are part of a broken relationship.
I try to help them find a seam of gold for mending and to realise that just because something has been broken, it does not mean it has ended — it just won’t be exactly the way it was before, or how you may have hoped it would be. That acceptance may come only after grieving (including shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and/or testing).
If you are wanting someone to take part in a restorative process following an investigation, it is important to accept that it may take them time to see the value in it or to make a genuine effort to mend what is broken. They are very likely to need ongoing support to make any agreed changes stick.
It is tempting for us to look for a quick fix, like online shopping at Temu on our phone at midnight. However you might find there are aftershocks:
• Co-workers may blame the person who made the complaint. When bullying is alleged (for example) in a workplace, everyone feels unsafe. Some employees may try to reestablish their sense of psychological safety by trying to justify that to some degree the behaviour was justified and deserved by the complainant.
• Co-workers may favour the person who was investigated. Sometimes that person is popular at work or very charismatic, so they gain supporters. Sometimes that person may spread rumours to get people onside and exclude the complainant from activities, like happy hours or break time conversations. They may give off a feeling that they are uncomfortable and ‘‘worried about saying the wrong thing’’.
• Performance at work may drop. People may be drained of the same capacity they used to be able to put into their work. Investigations can cause significant mental health impacts, including anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder for all involved.
Just as it is worth taking time to consider how to investigate a complaint, it is worth considering how to mend the breakages they can cause.
• Kate Keddell is a mediator, investigator and director of Balance Consultancy.
