For centuries, people have been trying to master the art of alchemy - attempting to turn base metals into gold.
But succeeding with that would seem like a walk in the park compared to the assignment given to Otago coaches Phil Mooney and David Latta this season.
They have been asked to turn something which is very ordinary into something extraordinary, or even half decent.
As Otago lurches towards its worst season in living memory, it is becoming plain to see the Himalayan task these coaches are facing.
The side is lacking any star power - especially without Ben Smith and Adam Thomson.
It has no-one with the ability to spark a break, and it just makes far too many silly and basic errors.
A sideline team made up of Sir Alex Ferguson, Sir Fred Allen and John Wooden would struggle to make any headway with this mob.
That was never clearer in yesterday's 39-11 loss to Auckland at Eden Park.
Otago won the possession stakes and had enough territory, but time after time it coughed up the ball, failed to make it through the - admittedly tough - Auckland defence, and went backwards.
Otago is shockingly low on confidence and its backs seemed lost throughout the 80 minutes.
Auckland is a shadow of the side which dominated rugby in the 1980 and 1990s, but it was still too good for Otago.
You know there is trouble when pedestrian first five-eighth Mathew Berquist can run through the Otago defence.
Otago went from side to side when it had the ball and it would then inevitably drop it or put in a aimless kick in wet, but not shockingly terrible, conditions.
There is an obvious need for three or four game-breakers to light up the side.
Mooney said after the game his team pushed the pass too often with players guilty of passing to team-mates in worse positions.
"We talked about it before the game, that we had to put phases together and just build pressure.
"But too often we turned the ball over and gave it to them in a good position," Mooney said.
"We just let them away with too much and missed too many tackles."
Auckland always looked like the winner right from the kick-off and once it was ahead 24-11 at the break, there was only ever going to be one result.
Auckland had started the scoring with a five-pointer after eight minutes when former Otago halfback Toby Morland squeezed down a blindside 5m out without a hand being laid on him.
Otago though came back into the match and, after winning a lineout near the line, big prop Halani Aulika barged over from the resulting maul.
But that is as close as Otago got as centre Isaia Toeava scored shortly afterwards and then young first five-eighth Gareth Anscombe kicked through an Otago loose ball to score.
Replacement hooker Tom McCartney scored 15 minutes into the second half after a nice Anscombe break while Joe Rokocoko scored at the death from - what else - an Otago turnover.
Otago now faces Manawatu at Carisbrook on Saturday.in a match to decide the wooden spoon In other games in the penultimate round of the ITM Cup, Wellington had a convincing 49-15 win over Taranaki in the capital and Canterbury locked the Ranfurly Shield match up for the summer with a 39-21 win over Counties-Manukau in Christchurch.
Southland continues to slide down the table but will still be in the top seven after it was beaten 33-22 by Bay of Plenty in Mt Maunganui.
On Friday night, Tasman beat Northland 34-29 in Nelson, while on Thursday night Waikato beat Manawatu 27-25 in Palmerston North.
In yesterday's other game, Hawkes Bay overturned a halftime deficit to win 36-21 over North Harbour in Napier.
ITM Cup
The scores
Auckland 39
Toby Morland, Isaia Toeava, Gareth Anscombe, Tom McCartney, Joe Rokocoko tries, Anscombe 2 pen, 3 con, Mathew Berquist con
Otago 11
Halani Aulika try, Glenn Dickson 2 pen
Halftime: 24-11.
