Jamie Mackintosh is desperate to get back into the All Blacks.
Nothing strange in that. After all, he is a professional rugby player who already has worn the black jersey, in 2008.
But he admits wanting to wear the silver fern impacted on his game last year.
"Last year, I didn't play poorly but I didn't stamp my authority on the game. I was injured for the first five games and came back well, but then we lost a couple of close games.
"I was more worried about making the All Blacks than just doing my job and playing rugby. I was trying to do what I thought were the right things to get into the All Blacks as opposed to just playing rugby."
Mackintosh, who turns 25 next Saturday, said when he looked back at last year in the Super 14 and with what happened he was probably a bit confused.
" I did not play really bad, still doing my job, was not playing poorly. Reflecting on it, it was a hard situation.
"I sat down with my dad and those close to me, family and friends, and we had a chat about it. I had a great time with the Junior All Blacks in the islands. I decided I had to get back to enjoying myself, playing some good rugby and the NPC was the perfect stepping stone."
The fun in the islands got Mackintosh thinking whether a change of Super 14 teams would help in a return to the All Blacks.
Mackintosh looked at other options but stayed with the southern franchise, as he believed something is being built in the South of which he wants to be part.
"I'd had a great time with the Junior All Blacks with Colin Cooper and Ian Foster and there was the chance to join up with the Chiefs or the Hurricanes," he said.
"I did weigh it up - you do these things for your career - [I could] play for Southland which is dear to my heart and then go somewhere else for the Super 14 which is what I do now. I have to shift out of house to come and play for the Highlanders so going to the Hurricanes or the Chiefs is not a lot different."
McIntosh said his main motivation in looking further north was to get alongside a few senior All Blacks, maybe Neemia Tialata and Andrew Hore, and learn from them.
"That was my thinking. At that stage I thought I needed to prove myself to a new group of guys."
But with his mind not fully made up, his good mate and Highlanders captain, Jimmy Cowan, talked to him about the future.
"Jimmy was a pretty major factor in me staying. He came round and we had a real good yarn one night. Talked about the Highlanders and what he wanted me to do.
"That got me pretty motivated to come back here. I enjoy him being captain and me being vice-captain. He is one of my good mates.
"Once I made my decision to stay I have backed it 100%. I've got no regrets.
"I've totally enjoyed the past two months. I really enjoy being a leader. Don't know if the boys enjoy me, but leadership comes pretty naturally to me."
Mackintosh also had a great domestic season with Southland, which culminated in him captaining the team in the winning of the Ranfurly Shield.
"We just had the feeling we wanted to do something special and we had been close before but no cigar. Even though we ducked out in the semis, to win the Ranfurly Shield and to be captain was unbelievable. It was a bit of a shock, 3000 to 4000 people at the airport.
"It was the most eventful four months of my life. In one way I missed out on the All Blacks but have been a part of that, for which I'm very grateful."
He said the Southland success came through hard work over many years from a core group.
"In Southland we've had the same group of guys together, and worked hard.
"My first game for Southland was in 2004 and I think we won one game out of 14. We didn't have much crowd support. Maybe we had a bad culture - perception we drank too much.
"But, over the past six years, we've turned it around with a core group of guys working hard."
Mackintosh said he could see the same thing happening at the Highlanders.
"We've had a rough couple of years and maybe we are turning it round. We've grown and we've changed. This team is made up of Hawkes Bay, Southland and Otago. And we've sort of come together to realise what we are about and with the coaches. Mutual game plan tactics get the best out of Southland, Otago and Hawkes Bay.
"Everyone is pretty happy at the moment. I know everyone goes on about it, but having the same group of guys is so much easier. If you put 28 guys in the same room who don't know each other, you're feeling each other out. It takes a long time to get to know each other, work out every guy."
Mackintosh said he was feeling fit and ready to go. His foot felt the best it had done for the past two years.
He has a form of "turf toe" in his left foot, which affects him while scrummaging.
As for tonight, it will be the first time he has played the Crusaders in Super 14, after missing the previous two games because of injury.
"We've just got to play to our potential. The guys are in pretty good condition and are ready to play. ou can only do so much training. You want to get out there and show our worth."
