Ron Palenski still loves rugby. Always has, always will.
But he says at times in the past seven years he has not been able to watch the game.
Not through lack of interest. Nor because he was busy entertaining guests.
But because of worry.
"I know how vitally important it is for the team to do well - what is riding on the result and what it means to a whole lot of people, and you are ultimately responsible," he said.
"At times I've not watched.
"I've gone out for a walk for five minutes.
"I just can't stand it.
"The Ranfurly Shield challenge in Wellington last year was probably the worst.
"It took me weeks to get over that.
"Just from the build-up, how we had never won the shield for 52 years and that it was a grand opportunity.
"We had this expectation on us.
"Myself, Sean Romans and Alando Soakai went out to see Des Grant in Fulton Home who had captained the last Ranfurly Shield-winning Otago side.
"Sat down for an hour with him, talking about things.
"So we knew the importance of it.
"If we had been beaten by 40 points I don't think it would have been so bad.
"But it came down to two or three key moments in the game."
Otago lost 23-19 to continue the long shield drought.
Palenski (64) said if anything, no longer being chairman meant he could now enjoy watching matches.
The chief executive of the New Zealand Sports Hall of Fame, Palenski said the change from amateur to professional had not been kind to Otago rugby and would not in the long run work to the advantage of New Zealand rugby.
"I think having 19 to 20 professional teams in a country of four million people is too many.
"I just wonder how long it can be sustained.
"Sure, the All Blacks are still successful and have a proud playing record, as good as it's ever been, but we are nowhere as big as the other countries."
Otago had a wonderful history and tradition, so the union would not disappear, Palenski said, but with the NZRU signalling the importance of the Super 15, provinces might become more attached to their Super 15 bases.
Palenski has written many sports books, and has another two planned for this year.
His books dealt with reality, something he said sports administrators were forced to do.
"The success we [Otago] had in the early and late 1990s was the exception rather than the rule.
"There have been frequent periods where we have not been in the top half dozen unions in the country.
"In the NPC we have only won it twice out of 30-odd years.
"That is always a problem administrators have.
"They deal in the reality rather than the perception."
Palenski said he did not want to ignore history, and the province had to be proud of teams such as the 1998 title-winning side, which he said was a "freakishly good" team.
"I remember the 1977 Lions were told by their coach and manager to ignore the 1971 team (which had beaten the All Blacks for the first time in a series).
"But you can't ignore the past.
"It did happen but you've got to realise that it can't happen all of the time."
Palenski said money was one of many issues the union had to face, but the relative lack of success of Otago sides in recent years had not helped the union's bank balance.
"But we have tried lots of things as a board.
"You get a lot of criticism in this job from people who don't really understand what is going on."
But what comes first: a good board or a good team?
Palenski said the question was a tough one to answer, but he felt someone should go to Wisconsin in the United States to study the Green Bay Packers, an American football team.
"They are a very successful team from a small city - small by US standards - and they have a team in community ownership which is loved by the community.
"I'm not suggesting we should look at community ownership but if we can take the best out of what they've done and apply it here we should benefit from it."
He said the game had changed on the field greatly in his time as chairman, but he felt there were still many people who cared about the game in Otago.
"You wouldn't be interviewing me if there wasn't.
"Any part of New Zealand, apart from Auckland probably, there is a strong sense of parochialism.
"But it does disappoint me that more people do not go to the games.
"There are a multitude of reasons, but night rugby doesn't help.
"It is too cold down here, especially during the NPC."
Palenski would like to see some form of accountability for players.
"Players' attitudes do disappoint me at times.
"Given the amount of money players earn, I would like to see more accountability from the players.
"Ideally, I would pay them what they are seen to be worth, and [have] some sort of system which rewards them for a win and penalises them for a loss.
"It is just a job for them but not just a job for a lot of people."
Palenski said highlights included the 2005 semifinal win over Canterbury in Christchurch - "any win over Canterbury is particularly satisfying, especially having the Canterbury people in the officials box keep quiet" - and also a couple of wins over North Harbour.
All Black tests in Dunedin were also great days.
"If the New Zealand Rugby Union took a hard look at it, there would be no tests here.
"But they want to spread rugby around the country, and the test atmosphere we have down here is like no other in New Zealand, or few other places in the world.
"The only place that comes near it is Cardiff."
A strong supporter of the stadium - "I saw what it did in Wellington, it transformed that city" - has Palenski got any advice for the incoming chairman?
"Not really.
"They probably wouldn't take my advice anyway.
"But you've got to listen to all the advice and be prepared to make a decision and stick with it.
"You need to have a thick skin."
