So let’s talk about the eye.
He has heard all the jokes, of course. Often made them himself. Finally a one-eyed rugby fan. Keep an eye on the ball. Give your right eye for a decent steak sandwich.
There was not a lot of laughter in the early days, when it seemed the world was tumbling down around him, but now Paul Miller is fit and focused and a broad grin does not often leave his face.
And it is an interesting face.
The man popularly known as Ogre through a glittering career, which included two games for the All Blacks and some devastating performances for the Highlanders, Otago and Southland, had surgery in 2021 to remove a large cancerous tumour behind his right eye.
A delicate nine-hour operation involved the right side of his face being sliced wide open, the golf ball-sized tumour and eyeball cut out, swathes of bone carved away, and a new socket built. Dozens of lymph nodes were also removed.
The result is a good chunk of a face that has no feeling, and a completely empty socket — no glass eye, no patch, just a strangely compelling blank that tells the story of what he went through and how it changed him.
"It’s been three years so it’s given me some time," Miller, 46, said.
"Every day, I think about it and reflect on it, and wonder if I could have done anything differently. But, to me, cancer is a trash can of negativity.
"It’s changed my perspective in terms of having a positive outlook on things. It’s changed my perception of myself.
"Before, I was probably grumpy old Ogre. But now I’ve come to a new understanding. I’m a compassionate Ogre."
It all began in March 2021 when Miller noticed a lump in his nasal cavity.
While he is anxious not to point any finger of blame, he did not get to see his usual GP and was told to monitor it and return to the doctor in a few months, so he did not think there was much to worry about.
He was with friends at an awards function when one of them said to Miller’s wife, Desiree, that her husband’s eye was behaving a little oddly.
A trip to the doctor was followed by a visit to a plastic surgeon, who quickly determined a biopsy was needed. Miller, whose father Harold "Hori" Miller died of cancer aged 66 in 2007, and whose wife’s nephew, Mitch Pereira, died aged 19 after being diagnosed with bowel cancer while at King’s High School, started to worry.
"That sent the alarm bells ringing. I got the biopsy two days later. The surgeon rang me. I was driving and he said, I’ve got the results, I think you need to pull over. He said they’d detected cancer cells but they weren’t sure how far they ranged.
"I got home and bawled my eyes out. I didn’t know exactly what was happening. It felt like my life had been turned upside down.
Scans confirmed some of the details of the tumour and Miller was sent back to his doctor to make a plan for treatment. That was a breakthrough moment for his approach to the illness.
"And I thought, ‘sweet, this is just like a rugby game or a season for me.’ I asked him what I needed to do. He said I needed to think about sorting my life out so I could have time to recover.
"I thought the only way to do that was to get fit. So that was my preseason."
The tumour was accompanied by elements of squamous cell carcinoma in the lymph nodes and salivary gland.
When the doctor hesitated over one sentence, Miller — who, for context, was a proud member of the Pirates club in his playing days — knew he was going to be asked how he felt about the complete removal of his eye, and he had his answer ready.
"Just get rid of it. I was born to be a pirate so I may as well be one."
He was grateful to get surgery — nine hours, two surgeons — just three weeks after diagnosis.
Then it was a week in hospital to recover, followed by daily radiation treatment for six weeks to ensure no traces of cancer were left.
Miller was given a five-year probation period to remission, and gets a check-up every three months.
"I’m not taking things for granted. I’m still keeping an eye out on things."
Life with one eye? Really not too bad.
Miller feels the change in his vision has made him more aware, and a more patient driver. He remembers, a few days before his surgery, walking around with one hand over his eye to see how it felt.
"It’s like anything. If you lose something, your body is such a resilient thing. Your body adapts.
"Now I sometimes think I can see a lot better."
His experience with cancer also motivated him to improve his lifestyle. Always a big-boned chap, he was exercising too little and drinking too much.
"Cancer was probably the kick up the arse I needed."
Now he is up at 4.30am each day to hit the gym then home to walk the dog. His new best mate is a kelpie, Edge, passed on from his brother’s farm.
"He’s been a really good support to me. He gets me up in the mornings."
Old Pirates buddy Roy Hawker and wife Sharon. John Blaikie, Hale T-Pole and the Highlanders alumni group. Conrad Stedman, Courtney Lousely and the St Clair/St Kilda golfing crew. Bowel cancer survivor Wayne Fa’asega. All helped the old rugby player and his family immensely.
"I think, as a rugby player, you’re so focused on yourself. That’s your bread and butter. So at times you might actually overlook who is walking alongside you and supporting you.
"When I was going through cancer, it was time for me to reflect on that support, and how people had shaped me to get to where I am today."
Principally, of course, he was grateful to his family.
Desiree, whom he had married in 2017, stepson Jarrell (now 27), daughter Mya (now 22) and son Max (now 17, and playing rugby for Miller’s old school, King’s) were there every step of the way.
Miller learned a lot about himself during cancer. But that was not enough. He wanted to learn more about lots of other things.
"You’ve got to find your purpose. Life is about continuous learning."
A big motivator was completing his degree in social services, for which he had to do a major presentation right after he had completed a sixth week of radiation treatment.
He could not help but think how far he had come since his professional rugby career.
"After rugby, it was, now what? What’s my purpose in life?"
After his playing days ended with a spell in Japan, that purpose was anyone’s guess.
Miller’s "first real job" was as sports co-ordinator at King’s. Then he joined Corrections, and had an eye-opening and soul-enriching period as a probation officer.
"That was all about dealing with people in difficult situations, and having an empathetic view towards their upbringing. It gave me more of an all-round perspective on how people are, and not to be so judgemental on face value."
He later worked as an employment navigator at Aukaha, the mana whenua-owned organisation, helping mainly Māori and Pasifika youth into employment opportunities with a focus on pathways and overcoming barriers.
Now, with wife Desiree beside him, Miller is business development manager for Stellar Recruitment. He has been with the firm’s Dunedin base since February, and works with companies around their labour requirements.
Life is good.
"I’m probably a lot more content, and settled."
