There is an elephant in the middle of the room and I've been tip-toeing around it for a couple of weeks. I'm tired of tip-toeing and I might just stomp on its tail.
As an independent member of the Maori Rugby Board, I've been watching the call for an apology from the New Zealand Rugby Union and Maori Rugby Board gain momentum.
The most recent addition to the debate has been a letter sent to the Sunday News from South African Sport and Recreation Minister Makhenkesi Stofile.
This letter includes an apology to Maori players left out of the All Black tours to South Africa in 1928, 1949 and 1960, and Stofile has urged the South African Rugby Union and the NZRU to do the same.
This has been emotionally and professionally challenging for me. I cannot speak on behalf of the board, but can reveal my own rationale for deciding not to give an official apology at this time.
As an academic who studies social issues in sport, I don't deny that the relationship between South Africa and New Zealand via rugby during apartheid has been problematic.
The challenges of governing Maori rugby, an at-risk entity in the professional and "we are all New Zealanders" atmosphere, has influenced my decision.
Last year was a bleak time for Maori rugby, and the board worked hard to get the Maori team back on the NZRU agenda. We made some significant ground acknowledging 2010 as the centenary year for Maori rugby.
It must be noted that Maori have been involved in New Zealand rugby for more than 100 years and, in my opinion, 2010 is a year to celebrate the Maori rugby team which was officially formed in 1910, not to raise every issue that relates to Maori in New Zealand's rugby history.
One of the things I've learned in governance is that you have to pick and choose your fights.
Getting the Maori team reinstated for 2010 and focusing on how we would celebrate the centenary would be my focus this year.
Malcolm Mulholland, the author of Beneath the Maori Moon, must be commended for creating dialogue around how Maori rugby could be celebrated and, as an individual on a mission, with media connections and experience in politics, Mullholland is an old hand at rocking the boat.
It was through Mullholland that the request for an apology was raised. The request came at a time when Maori board members were up to their elbows in negotiations with the NZRU and other national unions to finalise games for the Maori team. These negotiations were complicated and took up much of the board's time and energy.
As our chairman, Wayne Peters, has stated, we decided to focus on the future and do what we can to ensure the viability of this team.
Personally, I believe the request for an official apology will not go away, especially if the media continue to fuel the debate. I look forward to the ongoing discussion, which is healthy and necessary.
For now, actions speak louder than words. Our efforts to finalise centenary events have been rewarded with games against Ireland, England and the New Zealand Barbarians in June.
Personally, I acknowledge the hard work and sacrifices Maori have made in contributing to the New Zealand rugby environment and to political movements associated with the Springbok-All Black relationship.
According to Stofile, "the politics of the day tend to dominate what sport administrators say or do".
How can they not? Rugby administrators in the past made decisions which tended to maintain the status quo rather than bring about change.
Perhaps I am no different as a modern-day administrator, but fighting for the right to field a Maori team at a time when race-based teams are not popular is where my passion and energies are going for now, and I will not apologise for that.
