The moon makes an appearance through the Olympic rings on the Eiffel Tower in Paris. PHOTO: REUTERS
The Olympics . . .
Let me first acknowledge one important thing.
All Olympic athletes deserve to be in Paris, and every single event will be competitive and maybe even dramatic.
And The Last Word is here with this handy guide to where things broadly rank.
1. The god tier
Athletics: The essence of the Olympics. Faster, higher, stronger.
Canoe slalom: Not just my Finn Butcher bias shining through. It’s a heap of fun.
Rowing: Especially good if the eights races are competitive.
Swimming: Rock stars everywhere you look, and nearly every event has a tight finish.
Track cycling: Fast and furious action.
Weightlifting: Dramatic and fun.
2. The platinum tier
Archery: The pace is slow but the tension is high. Can be surprisingly absorbing.
Basketball: Some feel it should not be at the Olympics, given the NBA is really the sport’s pinnacle. But some phenomenal players are involved.
Canoe sprint: Can get very exciting, especially when a Kiwi wins.
Diving: The things they can do are pretty impressive.
Artistic gymnastics: The things they can do are REALLY impressive.
Rugby sevens: Fun to watch and we are always a medal chance.
. . . are here again
3. The copper tier
Opening ceremony: Tends to drag on but can still be interesting. You are watching it as you read this - any good?
Rhythmic gymnastics: You have to admire their style and grace, though it gets boring after a while.
Boxing: The sweet science always throws up some fascinating athletes. But a judging controversy is never far away.
Equestrian: Has its moments.
Hockey: Rises a tier if the Black Sticks go well.
Sailing: Can be decent.
Sport climbing: Surprisingly good to watch.
Tennis: Not as important as Wimbledon but fields are elite.
Trampolining: Something quite fun about it.
Triathlon: Solid all-round event.
4. The tin tier
Badminton: People who play the sport will lap it up. For most others, it’s merely of moderate interest.
Beach volleyball: Cue some sort of debate about the skimpy outfits in 3-2-1 ...
BMX: Adults on children’s bikes.
Mountain biking: Adults on adult’s bikes.
Road cycling: Adults on adult’s bikes with skinny tyres.
Football: Has its place but hard to care too much about it.
Golf: Should not be at the Olympics but the fields are strong.
Skateboarding: Should not be at the Olympics but the kids will love it.
Surfing: Should not be at the Olympics but pretty cool it is happening in Tahiti.
Handball: Good for novelty value.
Modern pentathlon: Good for novelty value.
Water polo: Good for novelty value.
Table tennis: Shock news - China will dominate.
Volleyball: A rare chance to see some of the world’s best.
Wrestling: Age-old sport but not always that exciting.
5. The basement
Closing ceremony: Fun for about five minutes.
3x3 basketball: Fun for about five minutes.
Artistic swimming: Sorry, a name change will not make this sport any more enjoyable. But they are certainly impressive athletes.
Breaking: Save us.
Fencing: My name is Inigo Montoya.
Judo: Never seems to be at risk of losing its Olympic place.
Shooting: Not really made for TV.
Taekwondo: Words fail me.
Utterly bewildering
Dronegate!
I did not know whether to laugh or cry when I heard a Canadian women’s football hanger-on had been busted for sending up a drone to spy on our Football Ferns.
Were they trying to determine how the Ferns are so toothless in front of goal?
What now?
Reinga Bloxham. PHOTO: MICHAEL BRADLEY PHOTOGRAPHY
Reinga Bloxham has rightly got lots of warm praise and lovely send-offs after ending her 11-year coaching association with the Southern Steel.
She has done an immense amount for southern netball, and will forever be treasured for winning two national titles.
But it is also fair to wonder what on earth went wrong. The Steel have won a measly two of their past 30 games on their way to back-to-back wooden spoons, and that is a shocking statistic.
Perhaps the bigger question is whether next year could be the last for the team.
If rumours of a couple of New Zealand teams joining the Australian league are true, that spells the end for elite netball in the South, and that will cause an uproar.
King Ardie
How cool to see Ardie Savea join Moana Pasifika.
It speaks volumes for the great No 8’s commitment to help Pasifika rugby thrive, offers hope to other small-market teams that they might be able to land their own big fish, and is a huge boost for the Moana Pasifika club.
One sour note, though.
The press conference to announce the news was restricted to journalists with Pasifika heritage. That is frankly appalling. Short-sighted, too — boring old white blokes are still allowed to get excited about Pasifika rugby.
Breaking the drought
My favourite droughts that were broken were 86 years (Boston Red Sox winning the World Series), 56 years (Otago winning the Ranfurly Shield) and 30 years (Liverpool winning the Premier League).
Nothing beats a good drought-breaker, and it was great to see Green Island break a 46-year barren run in the Dunedin premier club rugby final.
What next? The Volts winning the Plunket Shield?
