There is no off-season quite like the football off-season.
Rugby spreads itself so thin over a 12-month period that its off-season consists of about a week either side of the New Year during which there is a blessed absence of Graham Henry, Murray Mexted and preparation for yet another Tri-Nations/northern tour/Super 14.
Cricket is a strange beast. This is technically our off-season but there's plenty going on. We should probably have our minds on the Black Caps' tour of Sri Lanka but there's waaaay more interest in the Ashes.
For football fans, June and July can be a dark period, full of the lingering bitterness of a failed season gone or the nervous anticipation of a tough season ahead.
But many love it for the same reason they enjoy picking up a women's magazine: so many juicy stories. Consider the highlights of this English off-season:
He later snogged Paris Hilton but Cristiano Ronaldo was already guaranteed to be the story of the off-season.
The size of the transfer was a shock but the player and the destination weren't. Golden Boy wanted the move, Man United wanted the dosh and Real are determined to revisit the (failed) Galacticos policy. Let's move on.
2. World's Best Player Replaced By Fading Former England Star
But no one saw this coming. To replace Ronaldo, and his 60-plus league goals over the last three seasons, Sir Alex Ferguson swooped on Michael Owen, who peaked while playing for Liverpool at the turn of the century.
Owen had a forgettable spell in Madrid then spent three years alternating time on the physio's table with a series of laboured performances for an awful Newcastle team.
Still, Ol' Purplenose may have the last laugh. Owen banged in a few goals in the pre-season and he will only cost United money if he succeeds. It's a no-risk deal, even if it was damn funny at the time.
3. Stevie G Shows His Boxing Skill
As a Liverpool fan - what, you didn't realise? - I am contractually bound to say nothing critical about the great Steven Gerrard.
So let's just leave this issue by saying (a) Stevie throws a fine uppercut, (b) the court found him not guilty and (c) we can't win anything without him, so thank God for the British justice system.
4. The Blue Side Of Manchester Fights Back
For years, all we've known about Man Citeh is they live in the shadow of the evil empire and their most famous fans are the brothers from Oasis, Noel and Liam Gallagher.
Funny how a bit of the old Abu Dhabi money changes things, eh? City caused a few ripples by grabbing Brazilian whizz Robinho last season and went positively tidal this off-season in a spending spree bettered only by those Spanish hogs.
Lest anyone scoff and suggest buying good players does not immediately lead to success, consider this possible Man City XI (4-3-3):
Given, Richards, Toure, Dunne, Bridge, De Jong, Ireland, Barry, Tevez, Adebayor, Santa Cruz.
Nice, no?
So there's four good off-season stories, and I haven't even mentioned the drawn-out Xabi Alonso saga (we can live without him), Everton's pretend "haka", Carlo Ancelotti, yet another club taking a punt on Peter "Good Touch For A Big Man" Crouch, the laughing-stock that is
Newcastle, or that club at the Emirates that used to be a threat.
Mainly, this blog will be an excuse for me to spread the gospel according to a Liverpool fan. I'll try, occasionally, to add some balance, and may even allow colleagues who follow The Damned United and The Arsenal to have some input.
Later in the week, I'll preview the Premier League season - in two parts - and predict the finishing order of all 20 teams. Two to 20 are up for grabs.
LATE NEWS
Chelsea has won the Community Shield. On penalties. And Ferg is already complaining about the referees.
Sometimes, football is more predictable than an England batting collapse.
