Adrian Seconi: Congrats on the book. How was the process of writing it?
Neil Wagner: It was really tough at times. I didn’t want to do it for quite a long time. I had to be persuaded. I kept a lot of stuff to myself and I’ve always been like that. I didn’t really talk much about my private life or my experiences much. But I sat down reflecting with [my wife] Lana one night and she encouraged me to do it. So I rang the guy up and said, "Hey, put it on paper before I change my mind" and we got stuck in. At first it felt a little bit like counselling in a way — being able to talk to someone and get it off your chest. A lot of people thought they knew me, but they kind of don’t ... they think it’s all bloody happy and easy and good, but there’s a lot of challenges in life that you go through.
It was something that I’ve parked and made peace with. But having family members and people close to us who have lost their life that way, it became more and more of a topic. It wasn’t until later on in life that I opened up to a couple of mates within the team. And then after a team event ... I spoke to the lads about it and what I went through. It wasn’t easy. It’s not easy to open up about it. It’s not easy to talk about and I felt a bit crap about [talking about it in the book] to be honest. It would have been easier just to keep it to myself, but then seeing the support and what it means, and people getting around it — I sort of looked at it and went, why didn’t I do it sooner?
It’s one thing that Mike Sandle [Black Caps manager] helped a lot with. A problem shared is a problem halved, and I can’t stress how much that’s true. I had really good people, really good friends who carried me through this as well without even knowing. I mean the Mark Craigs, Craig Cummings were amazing friends and people around you that didn’t even know you were going through it and I didn’t want to bother them with my crap. No-one was really aware of it, to be honest. It was Lana who was the true backbone and a source of help and drive.
That was extremely hard. I think again it was one of those ultimate low points in your life. It was something that personally was a bitter blow. I don’t think it was easy for anyone who was involved, either. But I wanted to show it as an example of picking yourself up again and going and fighting and, I guess, finding the next thing. But, yeah, it was really tough. These sort of things happen out there in the real world, in business and in life. A lot of people go through setbacks and disappointments and it can be hard to open up. But, hopefully, I can be an example again for people. From the start, when it happened, I just wanted the truth to be told and come out and it wasn’t really always the case.
You know how hard it is to win a test in India. What did you make of the Black Caps’ 3-0 clean sweep?
It is an extremely amazing achievement. I mean, history speaks for itself. No-one has been able to go there do that. That will be up there for those guys in terms of the pinnacles of their career. I think it would be very hard to top it. It is hard to explain the challenges you go through playing in India and how hard it is. The amount of work you’ve got to put in, the heat, the fatigue, the noise at the hotel when you’re trying to sleep. It is so hard to explain unless you’ve been to India and experienced it yourself. To go there and beat them in their own conditions and against a very good team is an amazing feat, and those boys will be pretty proud.
I definitely think it’s outdated. Cricket is moving forward and the landscape has changed. If we don’t do something about it, I think we could fall behind quite badly and lose a lot of players. I feel it would be good to see a domestic T20 competition in New Zealand that goes the same sort of way where you get overseas players. I remember when I started playing domestic cricket in New Zealand and we had Dimitri Mascarenhas. The amount that I learned from that guy and having him in the changing room with his knowledge. And I remember playing against Northern Districts and they had David Warner and Brad Hodge and Herschelle Gibbs and those sort of guys. You wanted to test your skills against them, and when you did play against them you knew what it took to play international cricket.
We have to let guys go play in these [overseas] leagues so they get those opportunities. The experience and the knowledge they’ll bring back into our game and to our young players will make us better.
What are your future plans?
I’m trying to work that out now as we go. There’s still a bit of cricket left in me, so I’ll still try and go and play some county cricket over the winter, and then crazy enough there’s some old boy leagues popping up at the moment around the world. I’ll definitely try and chase a couple of those up. But I don’t know what the future holds at the moment, and it’s pretty scary. But there’s a high chance, which could be quite a bittersweet moment, but quite fitting too, that I finish where I started my career for Otago against Northern Districts at the Uni Oval. My last game in New Zealand could be for Northern Districts against Otago [in late March].
