Emotional intelligence is a little bit tricky to define but it relates to how well a person can control and regulate their emotions, respond to the emotions of others, empathise with and respond to others.
For example, an emotionally intelligent person does not get defensive quickly or fly off the handle when things do not go their way.
To be fair, I was thinking about emotional intelligence long before the topic became popular.
I realised as a young adult my interpersonal skills needed some work, as I had few issues that were blocking how well I related to others.
Recently, I started reading two books about how to raise emotionally intelligent children.
American psychologist John Gottman author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child said coaching children on their emotions is the key.
He advises parents to allow their children to express anger, sadness or fear and not ignore those feelings.
Instead, parents should use those times to teach children strategies for when life is difficult and build a closer relationship with them.
Similarly, counsellor Joshua Straub believes parents should aim to raise children who feel emotionally safe.
In his book Safe House Dr Straub said parents did that by being a safe person for their child and providing a safe home environment.
When something scary happens in the life of a small child they look to a parent for reassurance.
A safe parent gives a smile, word of encouragement or touch, that tells the child there is nothing to fear.
By teaching children to process their emotions, parents are helping them build healthy neurological pathways or wiring in the brain, which will help them relate well to others and respond to future challenges.
He warned against the practice of helicopter parenting, where parents hovered over their children to keep them away from unpleasant experiences.
If children are coached through those experiences, they learn skills which will help them to be resilient and successful in adulthood.
I found both authors’ perspectives insightful.
I concluded someone who has well-developed emotional intelligence is a safe person to be around, which must be a good thing to be.
