I've reported on squashed cats and naked Irish rugby players but now I know I've hit the big time - I'm a jelly wrestling correspondent, reporting directly from Albert Town.
Thursday night's annual jelly wrestling competition for ladies was a strenuously slippery grudge match of epic proportions.
Nation versus nation, skifield versus skifield, chef versus barmaid.
How everyone remained friends, I'll never know.
More than 200 spectators squashed into the Albert Town Tavern conference room, which had been kitted out in black plastic for the occasion. The rules were to remove as many arm and leg bands from your opponents as you could during two, 2-minute bouts in the jelly pit.
Sounds easy but the 12 contestants made it look hellishly hard.
First up was statuesque Veronica the "Ronniater", of Germany.
She demolished tiny Sarah "Angry Asian" Lee, of Auckland, pretty quickly.
Alex "Killer Beaver" Draver, of Motueka, and Emma "Superfreak" Burlinson, of the UK, were pure entertainers, but Cromwell's Lisa Gray, who works at Cardrona skifield, refused to admit defeat to Olivia Dwyer, of New York, who works at Treble Cone.
The pair continued to battle to loud shrieks from the crowd long after they were ordered to stop.
The other big grudge match of the evening was between Albert Town tavern's head chef Ariana Mahia, who finally succumbed to "the Albinator", barmaid Trudy Matthews.
Minnesota native Sarah "Sazzle" Elliott, also of Cardrona skifield, disposed of Hawera "Howey the Mowey" in reasonably clinical fashion while blonde best friends, Carmel Long, of Auckland, conquered Sam "Samsung" Holland, of the UK, in a crowd-pleasing girly fight. As the knock-out rounds proceeded to the next stages the girls were getting tired and it became apparent the jelly pit was definitely not as sweet as it first seemed.
The final between two US natives, Treble Cone's Dwyer and Cardrona's Elliott was an exhausting show-stopper.
Elliott, to her surprise, won.
She and Dwyer embraced.
"It was very tiring but so much fun," she beamed.
Had she jelly wrestled before? "Oh no."
Why do it now?
"My bosses made me do it," Ms Elliott said.
"That's them over there, all smiley."
