Thanks so much to everyone who sent in their top 10 book lists.
My apologies for not replying to you all but I have been in Fiji and my computer took on board the concept of Fijian relaxation - working very slowly and preferably not at all.
I would specially like to mention John Turnbull, who is obviously a chap of extraordinarily great intelligence and good taste. He says he loves my column, thinks it's the best thing in the paper, even better than the obituary page in the ODT, which is his second favourite read. Who says you can't beat a good obituary?
Thanks John.
Sounds as if we have been missing lots of excitement, chest-beating and hand-wringing in Queenstown with the airport kerfuffle. There's a lot of chaos and mayhem in Fiji, too. We went to the "world-famous" Toni Willey concert in Denarau on Saturday night.
Just as the great spangled one started singing, we all got a free power shower. Someone had forgotten to turn off the irrigation sprinklers. In true Fiji style, they didn't actually turn them off, but just put buckets and rubbish bins over the high pressure outlets.
Within a few minutes the whole driving range where the concert was being held was ankle deep in very fragrant, not-yet-recycled "grey water" they use to water the golf courses here. Even that didn't get the water turned off, so it just got deeper and deeper until the grand finale when they turned all the stage lights off a few minutes before the concert ended.
To calm my mind, I have been going to Master Jeong in the marina. He is a Korean yoga and martial arts teacher, who came to Fiji to train the army and help people with obesity issues.
He could tell I needed help with fighting and dieting.
Well, I think he could. I never really understood what he was saying as he speaks in an almost cartoon language. I could almost see the speech bubbles over his head as he spoke - "Kapong!" "Pwah!" "AMAN!"
I just couldn't obey when he told us to repeat one of his mantras: "My botty so full of grapes". I knew I would die laughing if I said it. Later, I found out that we were being asked to say "my body is feeling so great".
So much room for international misunderstandings. I am nearly sad to be leaving Fiji as I'm missing the Labasa agricultural show. Would the Lake Hayes A and P Show committee like to meet me to get some ideas on ways to jazz up our January event? The Labasa one offers de-beaking and castration demonstrations, boiled milk tasting and prizes for Best Behaved Dog Handler.
Of course, I have managed to chomp through a lot of books while in Fiji, but my favourite has been Brady Udall's The Lonely Polygamist. Like his previous bestseller, The Miracle Life of Edgar Mint, there is a lot of chaos and marvellously strange characters. Golden is the polygamist of the title with four wives and another in the offing.
His already complicated life turns into something even more hideously complicated when his 12-year-old son Rusty (who thinks growing a moustache might be a way to make himself more popular) starts playing up.
Reading about dysfunctional families always makes me happy that my own one isn't all alone. This book is for making you feel very happy with your lot in life.
I will try and get those best-book lists done for next week, so do send them in.
