The Bible, some of it written BC and all of it written before PC, must have used "men" to include all those of the several genders about which we hear so much these days.
This morning’s lesson, taking the above text as its theme, will praise a group of people who, while not famous, should be. I speak of subs.
For a sailor, underwater vessels spring to mind, or those who find solace in American fast food joints may drool over a thin loaf hand-filled with items of your choice.
For a crossworder, sub is simply "Public transport reversing" and for sports fans a sub comes on later in the game and it’s what they pay to be a member of the club.
But if you’ve ever dabbled in journalism a sub is the gatekeeper who, guided by the Good Book (the newspaper’s style guide) ensures that your story makes sense, follows the rules of grammar, and keeps the publisher free from libel suits. The sub will also fashion a headline and that is today’s real topic.
The great headlines almost always rely on humour. Americans dine out on a 1935 headline from Variety which introduced a story about country film-goers disliking movies with country themes thus — "Sticks Nix Hick Pix".
Perhaps nothing beats the 2000 effort from Paul Hickson, a sub on The Sun, who headlined a soccer story after Celtic were unexpectedly defeated by Inverness Caledonian Thistle — "Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious".
The international fame of the headline was confirmed for Scotsman Lawrie Spence from Inverness who in 2006 spent six weeks in Dunedin as a medical student.
He met the Scottish-born coach of the university soccer team whose eyes lit up when he was told Lawrie was from Inverness and he shouted, "Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious!".
The Sun continues its style with recent headlines on Labour’s UK election victory — "Britain sees red", and over a photo of a grinning new prime minister Keir Starmer with a 170-seat majority — "Winner by smiles".
The Mirror gave us "Keir we go". British newspapers, by and large, are partisan in their editorial policy and The Star displayed a blank notepad on its front page, under the headline "Fourteen years in charge: those good bits in full ... ".
The recent announcement that pennies would no longer be minted in Britain prompted one paper to seek reader reaction with "Thought for your pennies".
When England drew a soccer game which they were expected to win in Cologne we got "Woe de Cologne".
New Zealand’s Sunday News has thrown up the odd good one with an Australian soccer defeat earning "Ocker Soccer Shocker".
When Prime ended its news bulletins the newsreaders were labelled "Partners in Prime". A story about Jim O’Malley’s efforts to rescue Dunedin’s Ocho chocolate factory prompted this headline from one paper, "Willing worker and the chocolate factory".
Genuine gems are rare, but there is still much fun to be had and from my recent reading here are a few which might brighten up your day.
The Guardian is a good place to start. When pints were not available at some English pubs recently the headline was "Pint of no return" and a story about Auckland restaurant kitchens closing early because New Zealanders tend not to dine late produced, "Desserted by 8pm".
The same paper headed a story about children taking up pigeon fancying with "Meet the new kids on the flock".
Sometimes the sub is working overtime on finding a clever tweak. When The New Zealand Herald introduced a story about 10% of the infrastructure budget for the next 25 years being spent on just one road, the headline was, "One Road To Rule Them all".
I suspected there was a gag there but it took a friend with more literary knowledge to explain that everyone knows that "One ring to rule them all" is a quote from Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring.
I was on firmer ground when I chuckled over a story about the issue of postage stamps commemorating the unbeaten Invincibles (the 1924 All Blacks) being headlined with "Invincibles to be finally licked".
Just about very paper gave us "Sun also rises" when Te Anau-born Lulu Sun did well at Wimbledon not long ago.
The ODT subs are no slouches and can be relied on to lighten things up.
When an off-duty policeman collared a man shoplifting a basket of meat a while ago the story was headed "Roastbuster" and there are many other pleasant examples in this paper.
So much so, that instead of supplying a suggested headline this week I’m agog to see what the ODT sub will do with this column. Apart from spike it, of course.
— Jim Sullivan is a Patearoa writer.
