First there was the grotesque opulence on display for us peasants to gasp at during the extensive coronation television coverage.
Then came the nonsensical decision by American broadcaster CNN to allow the orange apparition who used to occupy the White House to stage a live lengthy lie-athon. When the interviewer challenged him too much, he childishly called her a nasty person.
We would have got more sense out of the sort of wild boar terrorising the good folk of St Bathans.
If the network had recorded the show and edited out all the lies, it could have reduced this fiasco to about five minutes.
You might think I would move on to relish the warm fuzziness with which we mothers are supposed to be surrounded on Mother’s Day, but no.
My dander was already up before the big day.
It annoys the heck out of me. The idea of a day to honour mothers might have been commendable.
But today is it much more than an excuse for retailers to wring soppy sentiment out of the mother-child relationship to persuade children to buy stuff their mother neither needs nor wants? Worse, some husbands and partners feel they must get in on the act. Why?
I have enjoyed women calling out this year’s crass retail promotions, including a pamper pack mostly made up of clothes washing products. It’s as if we women regard stuffing dirty socks and undies into the washing machine, secure in the knowledge they will emerge pristine, as the highlight of any day. It is work only women can do, after all.
When Sunday dawned, I awoke disgruntled from an anxiety dream in which I lost my shoes and was wearing an uncomfortable gold lame skivvy stolen from a former colleague. I reckon I’ve been damaged by the hoopla over that questionable bling at the coronation, combined with Cinderella delusions.
But when I picked up a Sunday newspaper, my dander went up further. A patronising two-page Mother’s Day advertisement from our major bank urged kids to make a screensaver to help Mum or Nan to fight scams.
The little darlings were to do this by colouring in a message saying "don’t click links in unexpected texts or emails", taking a photo of themselves with it and then uploading it to Mum’s or Nan’s device as a constant scam alert.
Parents and grandparents are briefly mentioned in the ad, but it was clearly aimed at mothers and grandmothers. Why? Are men too clever to get scammed? (The only person in my household duped by a nice lady with a foreign accent "helping" with computer problems is not a woman, although to be fair her call coincided with a time when he was having laptop issues.)
The cute child featured in the ad appeared to be a boy. What? Boysplaining now? Give us a break.
I know scams are a problem, but is treating any of us like primary school children the way to avoid them?
If we must have Mother’s Day, maybe we should devote the occasion to thinking more deeply about how we treat all mothers and whether we could do better.
Sunday could have been a time for people to read the comprehensive report (or check out The Detail podcast about it) on the Mako Mama Mangopare Single Parents Project. Undertaken by Project Gender in conjunction with Ngāti Kahungunu, it included a survey of more than 3500 single parents about the issues facing them. It came up with 82 recommendations to improve their lot.
Those of us who might think attitudes, including those of public servants, landlords and employers, towards single mothers would have improved beyond recognition from the nasty intrusiveness and tut-tuttery of the 1970s will be disappointed by this report. Stigma and baseless discrimination are still alive and well, even though almost 20% of families have single parents (most of them women).
As a widow, I know parenting solo is twice the pain and half the pleasure of shared parenting in a good relationship. I was lucky enough not to be on a benefit and to have a job with school hours. Also, I was in a supportive community. Even with these advantages, I felt pressure to prove I was more than just coping.
I am in awe of those women who keep on keeping on when they face discrimination and unnecessary setbacks at every turn. Let’s appreciate and support them, not leave them trapped in a destructive system detrimental to them and their children.
Perhaps next year, instead of spurious promotions, we could make our official Mother’s Day card a report card citing glowing progress on the project’s recommendations. That would be a real cause for celebration.
- Elspeth McLean is a Dunedin writer.
