Dear Charles, as a mega-rich chap, you are probably not used to getting advice for nothing. Trouble is, pay enough money and the people shelling out the words of wisdom are likely to tell you exactly what you want to hear.
Has everyone advising you been slapping you on the back saying ''Go, you good chap! Nigella's done you wrong and she must pay one way or another''?
Have they told you that being photographed frequently in a Persil-white shirt will make people think you're the good guy because Nigella's wearing bad-guy black? Was that Trinny's idea?
You simply can't compete with Nigella, head held high with her fabulous Sophia Loren-like features frozen in an imperious pout, dramatically striding through the media scrum on her way to court.
Has anyone been honest enough to ask if you risk looking like a pig-headed vindictive old cuss who is prepared to lose whatever shred of dignity he might have once had to make his ex-wife look bad?
Yes, you can argue that the Higella email produced in the fraud case involving the hired help was private , but if you didn't think she was off her head on drugs, why say it, even in private correspondence?
Weren't you already divorced when you wrote it? What was the point?
Whatever the truth of anything, Charles, and despite all your experience in the advertising business, you can't win this PR battle.
People simply won't warm to a rich old guy who has been cautioned for assaulting his beautiful, voluptuous wife.
To the average punter, it looks as if you want to possess her as you might an impressive painting. The fact you have made lots of dosh out of advertising won't endear you to us, either. It just reminds us of all those times when irritating ads have interrupted our favourite television programmes.
Some of those programmes will have involved Nigella. And as you know, Nigella is beautiful to watch. Most of us are unlikely to try her recipes.
Though we might never inhale anything stronger than Vicks VapoRub, when we venture into the kitchen we can kid ourselves we are sultry and sexy , even if we're only heating a can of baked beans.
We might be carrying a few extra kilos, but hey, it looks OK on Nigella, so it must look good on us too. And it's fine to tuck in heartily to whatever we've cooked. Greed? It's not greed. It is delighting in the simple and sensuous pleasure of eating.
We know Nigella would approve. Many of us probably think we know Nigella. Those same people don't know you and, unfortunately for you, don't really like what they have seen of you so far.
It was good to hear you said in court you weren't grilling her about her drug use at that infamous lunch, and that you were ''not gripping, strangling or throttling her''.
Was it then wise to add, ''I was holding her head by the neck to make her focus, can we be clear?'' I doubt women appreciated such clarity.
I am not sure they would take kindly to the thought any of their ilk need to be held by the neck to make them focus - many of us have spectacles for that purpose (even if most of the time we can't find the damn things).
What was she supposed to be focusing on? Your controlling countenance?Telling the court that you adore Nigella now, ''absolutely'' adore her, are broken-hearted to have lost her and wanted her to be happy, doesn't fit with the focusing scenario.
Also, the outings with Trinny don't appear to be the actions of a broken-hearted man. (Incidentally, talking of drug habits, isn't it time you both gave up the ciggies?) Incongruously, these tawdry claims and counter-claims about what went on in your household hit the headlines about the same time Nelson Mandela was dying.
His personal life was not always straightforward either, but I do not recall any enforced focusing of his ex-wife Winnie at restaurants or anywhere else.
As you no doubt know, after 27 years of incarceration, Mandela chose forgiveness and reconciliation rather than retribution.
As hard as it might be for the rest of us mere mortals to grasp, he knew his behaviour meant real freedom: ''As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.''
He also said, ''Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.''
These sentiments are relevant to both you and Nigella, I reckon, but I don't advise you email her about them.
Elspeth McLean is a Dunedin writer.
