For as long as I can remember, I have felt a fairly strong aversion to regular exercise.
Whether it stems from sadistic teachers nurturing an intense anxiety regarding my performance in front of other children, or a natural predisposition for a calm, still lifestyle, I will probably never know. But I do know that in spite of all my good intentions it has always taken considerable personal effort to get me exercising.
Of course, when I was much younger I wanted to run fast and felt obliged to participate in team sports, but as I got older and much, much more self-conscious, these desires took a back seat and I started relying on simple things like walking to school or university to stop the study-induced atrophy.
For the last couple of years, however, I have been sedentary more than ever before. At present I spend almost every day chained to my desk reading articles about One Direction and nervously chewing my lip. I've always admired people who have their lives so together that they not only achieve all of the things they have to do in a day, but also find time and motivation to fit in something physical as well.
And not only do they do it, but they seem happy and energised instead of lethargic and achy. So I decided to give some minimal exercise a wee go. Initially I thought that I could just give up coffee and somehow that would make me less tense and less stressed, but all that happened was unpleasant withdrawals and a lingering sense of resentment every time I caught a whiff of someone else's beverage.
Sadly, I remained as anxious and disorganised as ever. Fortunately, a short exercise routine every morning seems to be much more helpful. Because my motivation isn't high enough to send me running around the city making up my own routines, I am following instructions on the internet.
I get a new set of instructions every day, and it's helpful because then when I wake up in the morning I don't have to think about what I'm going to do; I just blindly do as I'm told. At last I see what it's all about.
I don't mind so much when I sweat, it's easier to keep my shoulders back and I can cross my legs with ease. All the years of avoiding team sports and running are melting away, and I understand that if I get to exercise on my own terms then it can actually be OK. I don't have to get all red in the face in front of strangers if I don't want to, I can just writhe around on my bedroom floor to the comforting sound of a chipper Youtuber.
There's so much media content about how we should be treating our bodies, and most of it is awful, because it makes you feel guilty and stupid and lazy.
No-one should feel like they have to do anything with their body that they don't want to. Not everybody wants to exercise, not everybody has time to think about doing anything more than just getting by and that's absolutely fine.
But exercise can feel good, and we should make the way we communicate about it so much more positive. I know if I'd grown up with people telling me that there were simple, quick things I could do to make my body feel better (not look ‘‘better'', it's a crucial distinction), then I would feel much better about myself.
Exercise so often becomes about your body becoming an object of gruelling public display and scrutiny, but I've been so happy to learn that it can be small, easy and private.
And, after three weeks I am finally strong enough to get my sports bra on and off.
●Millie Lovelock is a Dunedin student.
