Four fresh new looks for Bill English

TVNZ’s Mike Hosking was pilloried this week for asking Labour leader Jacinda Ardern what outfit she planned to wear at the big leaders’ debate.

Today we set out to even the gender scales by shining a light on Prime Minister Bill English’s fashion sense, and how he could improve it.

To that end, here are four outfits Bill could discuss when he is asked the same question by Mike, in an effort to close the ever-widening gap with a rampant Labour Party.

1. A hemp suit with cannabinoid stylings.

Bill English rocking his hemp suit.

"We think to make a cannaboid-cannabinoid, ah, s-suit more widely available, they still need to go through a proper clinical process so we can guarantee the safety of the suit for people, so ah, that suit should suit me in a couple of years," Mr English might say.

2. A loose short-sleeved silken top, with DJ turntables as accessories.

DJ Bill raises the roof with his sick beats.

Jacinda did it, Max Key did it, do it Bill!

3. BLINGLI$H.

As a former Minister of Finance BLINGLI$H knows a thing or two about swag. Image: Matt Pratchett

An aspirational look for Bill English that says economy, growth and cash for all. Perfect while saying: "People can’t go shopping with your values ... every person in New Zealand who does not have children will be worse off under Labour."

4. Bill English is coming.

Unlike Jon Snow Bill English refuses to bend the knee.

A Night’s Watch cloak adorned with leather accessories and a Jon Snow-hair hat.

-Brought to you by David Loughrey and Vaughan Elder of the Special Idiots Unit, creating bespoke copy for fellow idiots.