See the knee-slapping, rib-tickling, side-splitting performance that will have you rolling in the aisles. Limited season only, though may be extended.
It’s like a black comedy, or something from Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Or a French farce, though in To Catch a Train the confusion is over carriage doors rather than bedroom doors.
The plot revolves around the seemingly humdrum daily efforts of close to 90,000 Wellingtonians trying to get to work by train and help keep the country moving.
Their attempts are thwarted, however, by the moustache-twirling baddy — in this instance KiwiRail’s broken-down track-checking rail car — which is holding the capital’s commuters captive.
In an exciting twist to the action, protestors are simultaneously blocking Wellington roads and the motorway, stopping from travelling those forced to use private vehicles because of the currently congested and constipated state of the rail service.
The great irony is the demonstrators are from Restore Passenger Rail.
Throw into the mix a looming global disaster due to climate change and a government which has been ineffective in efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and you’ve really got a blockbuster on your hands.
Oh, and add in the fact passengers have been squashed like sardines into the few services running — though perhaps running is a bit of an exaggeration given how slowly the trains are having to travel — and it’s highly likely there will be a Covid-19 spike across the region in the next couple of weeks.
What an utter mess. It would be funny if it weren’t so disruptive or reflective of poor, "she’ll be right", planning.
As they say, you couldn’t write about it.
Even those who have never lived or worked in the capital know about the morning trudge from the railway station to offices along Lambton Quay or Featherston St, and the late afternoon plod the other way.
Many New Zealanders of a certain age will well remember the opening of Roger Hall’s Kiwi television classic Gliding On, the resigned, glum faces stepping off the train at Wellington station, raincoats and the odd trilby hat on, umbrellas up.
Some 40 years later this week, travellers’ faces were even longer as they finally made it to the city after trying journeys from the Hutt Valley, the inner suburbs and the Kāpiti Coast.
Quite right then that on Monday morning, KiwiRail bosses were hauled into Parliament to explain to Transport Minister Michael Wood what on earth is going on.
To its credit, KiwiRail has accepted responsibility for the debacle and apologised to commuters, though it could hardly do otherwise.
Mr Wood seemed satisfied with assurances that KiwiRail would have the situation resolved within days, with network operator Metlink saying things should be back to normal tomorrow (Thursday).
The question is, in a long, skinny country with about 4200km of track, why is there only one rail-checking car?
Expense is probably the answer, but it doesn’t take a genius to work out the dangers of only having one, especially in a nation with two main islands.
The Government has announced one of its "rapid" reviews into the fiasco. It will consider if KiwiRail is properly focused on providing reliable commuter services, if it communicated appropriately over the breakdown of its track-monitoring car, and what it needs to do to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
Safety has to come first, and the reduced speeds and, therefore, services on the Wellington lines are a necessary response to the problem, even though they are understandably annoying for commuters.
As for the protestors: their sentiments might be the right ones, but they are just causing unnecessary disruption and risk alienating rail supporters in one of New Zealand’s greenest cities.
