Well, at least Billy Black's 6-month-old kunekune pig does.
Jonah, named after All Black rugby legend Jonah Lomu, sits on command, can nod to indicate "yes", shake his head for "no", and even wave goodbye. When he wants his breakfast, he won't stop squealing until he gets it.
"When he wants something, it's hard to shut him up. He's like an 8-year-old kid," Mr Black said.
But that is far from his claim to fame. Jonah is one of the stars of Mr Black's Kiwi Culture Show in Waitomo which tells the story of New Zealand's pioneers.
The pair are staying at the Dunedin Holiday Park and will be appearing at the Otago Taieri A and P Show today, where Jonah will play a short game of rugby.
Mr Black has trained him to knock over a series of mannequins dressed as the English rugby players, and he does a little sidestep before scoring a try.
The trick has earned Jonah many fans and, while he thinks he's a star, Mr Black said Jonah sleeps outside and is fed scraps, just like most other pigs.
"Occasionally, he gets treats.
"My other pigs used to like a glass of beer, but Jonah is a bit more up-market - he prefers a glass of wine."
Despite Jonah's love of food, Mr Black said it was not easy to train a pig.
He drew on many years' experience training three other pigs before Jonah.
"It's not just about giving them food. It takes a lot of technique, time and patience."
Like most kunekunes, Jonah is clever.
As Mr Black is being interviewed, Jonah, aware his minder is not paying attention, sneaks off to steal "lollies", otherwise known as grain pellets, from a sack in the back of Mr Black's trailer.
Jonah squeals in protest when he is shooed out of the trailer and the door is closed.
When Jonah is off the field, his favourite place is either in front of the television, or out on the road on the back of Mr Black's Harley-Davidson.
"He loves it. He even has his own set of goggles."
