An emotional email that a woman allegedly killed by her husband wrote to herself has been read out in the High Court at Auckland, as the trial of Philip Polkinghorne continues.
The retired eye surgeon is accused of killing his wife Pauline Hanna, and staging her death as suicide.
Polkinghorne's defence lawyer Ron Mansfield KC argues that she took her own life.
Mansfield today read aloud part of email Hanna sent to herself a year before she died, while questioning an IT expert at the high court.
In the letter, Hanna explained the long hours she worked, and the mental impact it was having.
"I am tired and not myself," she wrote.
"I am never good enough, despite my efforts [...] I am not adding any value.
"I want desperately to tell someone and cry, and ask for help, but everyone seems to think that I'm amazing, and does not want to know that I have foibles or failings," Hanna said.
Hanna wrote that she tried bringing up how she felt with Polkinghorne, but that he told her that he didn't have the time go over "negatives" that night.
"I must stand on my own two feet, but I don't know today if I have two feet or what they look like.
"I've had three glasses of wine and a beautiful dinner thanks to [Polkinghorne], but I don't know what to do with myself," she said.
"So I will go to bed and not sleep, very unusual for me and it builds up.
"Who knows what might follow."
Hanna finished the email by saying that she needed to tell someone how she was feeling, even if no one - except for God, she said - saw the email.
She signed the email P, followed by multiple kisses.
The trial continues.
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