The mother of twins Chris and Cru Kahui today defended her behaviour at the hospital after the twins were admitted, saying she had no excuses for swearing at a nurse or failing to visit her children.
Macsyna King (31) a painting contractor, is giving evidence for the second day at the High Court in Auckland at the trial of Chris Kahui who is charged with their sons' murder.
The twins died on June 18 2006, within about 14 hours of each other at Auckland Starship Hospital after they were admitted to Middlemore Hospital on June 13.
Ms King said she did not visit the twins after they were admitted to hospital because she could not bring herself to see them in their condition.
"They were on their deathbeds.
"They had shaved spots on their heads, which was once thriving `hair'.
"It was hard for me to physically lay eyes on them.
"I just could not physically look at my sons in that state."
Ms King said she had no "fancy excuses" for not visiting the twins as they fought for their lives.
She was also worried about the couple's other son Shane who had been taken into care after the twins were admitted to hospital.
After the twins were initially admitted to hospital Ms King said she felt "like tits on a bull" with no power to do anything or help them.
"I couldn't help my sons."
She said she remembers being rude to a nurse, who offered to organise a bed at the hospital so she could be near the twins and told her "I don't give a shit".
Ms King said she was taking her frustration out on the nurse and was "not very rational".
Ms King swore at her, telling the nurse where to go.
"I didn't care what she said to me, about sleeping arrangements or anything."
Ms King will resume giving evidence this afternoon.
Justice Geoffrey Venning has excused the jury until 2pm while he hears legal arguments over the admissability of evidence.
Earlier, Ms King described how she yelled at their Kahui when he refused to drive the fatally injured babies to the hospital.
Ms King said after being told to go to the hospital by a doctor who had examined the twins, Kahui drove past the turnoff for Middlemore Hospital.
Ms King wept in the dock as she said when she demanded to know why Kahui did not take the turnoff he replied he did not want to go.
"He said `I don't want to go. I hate the doctors. I'm sick of the hospital'."
When she had left the twins overnight the babies were fine but after seeing the "doctor freaked out" and with Kahui refusing to drive them to the hospital, Ms King said she felt "helpless and disturbed".
It was not until she took the twins to hospital and saw them being worked on in the emergency room that she realised how ill her children were, she said.
Ms King said she was "bloody useless" while waiting to find out how the twins were and tried to contact Kahui to let him know what was happening.
When she finally spoke to him on the phone, Ms King told Kahui the twins were in critical danger and were they were unlikely to "make it through this one".
"I'm sure I got the point across. They're f...ed."
Ms King said she could not remember Kahui's reaction.
Kahui showed no emotion during Ms King's testimony, occasionally looking at Ms King but stared straight ahead throughout.
Ms King will continue to give evidence today.
